..:: Presented by ZarFilm website ::.. ‏.:: www.bolboljan.net ::.
Today is going to be an amazing day, and here '5 wh y:
Because z'oda y, all you have to do is jusi' be yourself
but also confident that's important
and interesting, easy to talk to, approachable, but mostly just be yourself
that's number one, obviously. Be yourself
but, like, a confident version of yourself
like, approachable and interesting,
not weird or anxious or depressed, which you're not weird, anxious, depressed.
I don't even know why you're bringing it up...
You can't be scared to talk to people. You said this year would be different
you're overthinking it. Do you like having no friends?
All you have to do is just be yourself
j” I've learned to slam on the brake before I e ven turn the key j”
j” before lmake the mistake j“
j” before llead with the worst of me j”
j” give them no reason to stare j”
j” no slippin' up if you slip away j”
j” so I got nothing to share j”
j” no, / got nothing to say j”
j” step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned j”
j” step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j”
j” because you've learned j”
j” on the outside always lookin'in j”
j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J”
j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j”
j” I'm waving through a window j”
j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j”
j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j”
j” while I'm watch, watch watch/n ' people pass j”
j” I'm waving through a window j”
j” can anybody see? Is anybody wa ving back at me? J”
So you just didn't eat last night?
- I wasn't hungry. - You're a senior in high school.
You need to be able to order dinner for yourself.
You can do it all online. You don't have to talk to anybody.
Okay, well, that's not true, actually. Because the credit card's expired,
so you have to meet the delivery person at the door, you know?
You have to pay them with cash at the door. You have to greet them.
You have to figure out the right... The right, um... the-the proper greeting.
Okay.
This is what you're supposed to be working on, sweetheart, with Dr. Sherman.
Have you been doing those letters he wants you to do?
"Dear Evan Hansen."
Yeah, I've definitely... I've been trying to.
Those letters are important, honey. You have to keep working.
We can't go back to where you were last year, right?
You have an appointment this afternoon.
I'm working till 6:00, so you're gonna have to take the bus.
Hey.
I thought you could go around and ask all the other kids to sign your cast.
Perfect icebreaker, right?
- What happened to your shirt? - There was a stain on it.
- But it's brand-new! - Yes, I know.
I was... I'm so mad.
J” we start with stars in our eyes j”
j” we start believing that we belong j”
j” but every sun doesn't rise j”
j” and no one tells you where you went wrong j”
j” step out, step out of the sun if you keep getting burned j”
j” step out, step out of the sun because you've learned j”
j” because you've learned j”
j” on the outside always lookin'in j”
j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J”
j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j”
j” waving through a window j”
j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j”
j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j”
j” while I'm watch, watch watchin ' people pass j”
j” waving through a window j”
j” can anybody see? J”
j” is anybody waving? J”
j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j”
j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J”
j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j”
j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J”
j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j”
j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J”
j” when you're fallin'in a forest and there's nobody around j”
j” do you ever really crash or even make a sound? J”
j” did / even make a sound? Did / even make a sound? J”
j” it's like lne ver made a sound will I ever make a sound? J”
j” on the outside always lookin'in j”
j” will I ever be more than I've always been? J”
j” cause I'm tap, tap, tapping on the glass j”
j” waving through a window j”
j” / try to speak, but nobody can hear j”
j” so I wait around for an answer to appear j”
j” while I'm watch, watch watchin ' people pass j”
j” waving through a window j”
j” can anybody see? J”
j” is anybody wa ving back at me? J”
j” is anybody waving? J”
j” waving, wavingj”
j” whoa j”
[boy] Evan.
What?
It's Zoe Murphy in that hot band shirt you love so much.
Can you just... can you please stop?
Well, hey, maybe she's into you too.
Maybe you should talk to her, tell her how you feel.
I've tried talking to her.
Really?
Yes... yeah, I...
I stayed aftennards last year, after the spring jazz band concert,
but, um, I didn't go up to her because I was worried that my hands were sweaty.
Which they weren't even... They weren't even that sweaty. I just...
I was worried they were sweaty, and sometimes worrying makes them sweaty.
So I just went to the bathroom and I put 'em under the hand dryer thing,
but then they were still sweaty. They were just... they were just also warm.
I was kidding.
You obviously should not talk to her. You are a literal disaster.
[Band music ends]
- [Students cheering] - [Applause]
Go, bobcats!
[Cheering continues]
Go, bobcats.
So awesome. So awesome, everyone. Phenomenal, really.
You know what's not phenomenal? Deforestation.
- [Laughter] - So, what happened to your arm exactly?
I was climbing a tree and I fell. It was stupid.
You fell out of a tree? What are you, five?
Well, um...
80, actually, I worked this summer
as an apprentice park ranger at Ellison state park.
[Sighs]
It's a funny story though, because...
There was this solid ten minutes, after I fell,
where I just lay there on the ground, waiting for someone to come get me.
I was like, "any second now." You know?
I kept... I was saying to myself, "any second now. Here they come." So...
Did they?
No. Nobody came. That's the, um... that's what's funny.
That's not funny.
Model UN.
Well, anyways, um... how was... Did you... how was camp?
Well, I put on 13 pounds of pure muscle.
Also, I hooked up with this Brazilian dude who is literally a supermodel.
So, yeah, hope that answers your question.
So let's have mother nature's back so that she'll have ours.
[Applause, cheering]
Yeah!
All right, thank you, Alana. Very inspirational.
All right, so, let's have a great year, and... go, bobcats!
- [{cheenng] - [Marching band playing]
Hey, um...
Would you wanna sign my cast?
You could... you could be the first.
Why would I do that?
Well, I just... I thought because we're friends, and...
We're family friends, Evan. That's an entirely different thing.
Please respect that.
- Freshmen suck! - [Booing, jeering]
Connor, I'm loving this manicure. It's very school shooter chic.
- You're such an idiot. - That is so not a joke.
[Chuckles softly]
You think that's funny?
What? No. Not at all.
[Shouting] Then stop laughing!
[Chattering stops]
[Breathing shakily]
[Zoe] Hey.
I'm sorry about my brother. He's a psycho.
Evan, right?
Evan_.
That's your... that's your name.
Yeah, it is. It is. Sorry. It's Evan.
It's Evan. I'm sorry.
Why are you sorry?
'Cause you said Evan, and then I said it, you know?
I just repeated it, which is, um...
That's just really annoying when people do that, so...
I'm Zoe.
It's a... I should... I think... sorry.
[Evan] Dear Evan Hansen,
turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all.
This isn't gonna be an amazing week or an amazing year, because why would it be?
Oh, lknow. Because there's Zoe.
Who I don't even know, and who doesn't know me, but...
Maybe if I did, maybe if I could just talk to her.
Il/laybe things would be better.
Maybe nothing would be difi'erent at all.
I wish everything was difi'erent.
I wish I was difi'erent.
I wish I was part of something.
I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone.
But it doesn't, and it never did...
And it ne ver will.
I mean, face it, would anyone even notice if //u5t disappeared tomorrow?
Sincerely, your best and most dearest friend, me.
Hey. What happened to your arm?
I was climbing a tree and I fell.
You fell out of a tree?
[Chuckling]
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
I know.
So... sorry, um, I think I accidentally printed something.
Yeah, we're all waiting.
Um, no one signed your cast.
- No, I know. - I'll sign it.
- You don't... you really don't have to... - Do you have a sharpie or...
I don't. Shoot.
Here's one.
Nice.
Wow, that's great.
Now we can both pretend we have friends.
- "Dear Evan Hansen." Here you go. - Yeah, that's mine.
That's mine. I can take it. Sorry.
"Because there's Zoe"...
Is this about my sister?
What? No, no. Who's... who's your sister?
- You wanted me to find this? - What?
You saw I was here, so you started writing this,
- and you started talking to me. - No, you started talking to me.
So that I would read some creepy shit about my sister and freak out, right?
- Why would I do that? - So you can tell everyone that I'm crazy.
Right? Right?
Gentlemen! Shh.
No, I really...
Look, I really need that back.
So, can... look, can you please just give it back?
[Grunts]
Just please don't show it to anyone.
Connor!
[Coughing]
Come on.
Shit. Shit.
[Blows]
[Panting]
[Cell phone vibrates]
- Hi. - H/; Honey, I'm so sorry.
Erica called in at the last minute with a stomach bug,
and there's only one other nurse on tonight.
So I volunteered to take her shift.
I hope you weren't waiting for me to eat.
- No, I already ate. - Um, it'smst,
they announced more budget cuts this morning,
so anything I can do to show that I'm a team player, you know?
- How was your day? - Fine.
It was... it was pretty good.
Yeah? You know, I texted with meera this morning,
and she said that Jared was really looking foward to seeing you and reconnecting.
I thought that was nice.
Yeah, he's so nice.
- How was Dr. Sherman? - Pretty good.
Any change to your meds?
Um, no.
Oh, god. Here he comes. All right, I...
All right, love you. Bye.
- Okay, I love you... - [Line beeping]
Too.
[Jared] A letter to yourself
I mean, what is that, like some kind of sex thing?
No. No, it's not a sex thing.
- It was an assignment from my therapist. - Ew.
Why are you telling me this?
I didn't know who else to tell. You're my only... family friend.
That's sad.
Look, Connor isn't here again today. That's three days in a row.
He hasn't done anything with it yet, like put it online or whatever.
Because I've... I've been checking.
So, you know, maybe he just... Maybe he forgot, right?
Right. Right.
Or maybe he didn't, because he's definitely gonna put it online.
Dude, Connor Murphy is batshit.
Don't you remember when he threw a printer at Mrs. G in the second grade
because he couldn't be line leader?
He was seven.
Just imagine what he's capable of now.
[Woman on pa] Evan Hansen, please report to Mr. Ho ward's ofi'ice.
Oh, damn.
Evan.
Connor Murphy's mother and stepfather are here to see you.
They want to speak in private.
Hello.
Why don't you go ahead, honey?
I'm going as fast as I can.
Well, that's not what I said, is it?
This is...
Connor wanted you to have this.
[Man] We didn't know you were friends.
Well, we didn't think Connor had any friends, frankly.
And then we see this note, and it seems to suggest pretty clearly
that you and Connor were... Or at least, for Connor...
"Dear Evan Hansen."
He addressed it to you. He wrote it to you.
These are the words that he wanted to share with you.
His last words.
Connor took his own life.
[Whispers] He what?
This is all we found with him.
He had it folded up in his pocket.
But this is...
I'm sorry. Connor didn't... [Sighs] He didn't write this.
Connor didn't write this.
What... what does that mean?
Well, he's obviously in shock.
- If Connor didn't write this... - [Evan] I'm so sorry.
- Can I... I should probably go, please. - No, you don't understand.
This is all that we have. This is the only thing that we have left.
- Cynthia, listen to me. - No, don't... don't go.
Okay, then you take it. Please take it.
No. No, don't go. Don't. Please stay. Please.
His best and most dearest friend.
- [Chaflenng] - [Cell phones dinging]
- Oh, my god. - That's... that's Connor.
- Connor? - Connor Murphy?
- [Bell rings] - Holy shit.
They invited me for dinner.
They wanna know more stuff about Connor and me, about our... friendship.
- And you said yes? - I froze.
What are you gonna tell them?
I mean, the truth.
I don't know, man. Are you really gonna tell these people
that the only thing they have left of their son
is a sex letter that you wrote to yourself?
Hey. I'm so sorry.
What the hell was that?
I don't know.
Oh, my god. They were so sad, his parents.
I mean, his mom was just...
I've never seen anyone so sad before.
[Phone clicks]
I have to tell them.
[Doorbell rings]
You're early.
Oh, s...
Sorry.
Sit.
I hope you're hungry.
[Clears throat]
So... you and Connor.
You probably spent a lot of time together, I bet.
80... not... not really, actually.
- The thing is that I... - We looked through his phone.
His texts, emails. We didn't find anything from you.
- Yeah, no, I know. I know. - He set up different accounts.
Ones we couldn't find.
He knew you read his emails.
Well, somebody had to be the bad guy.
Well, if you did have any emails or conversations
between the two of you, we'd love to see anything.
- Well... - Yeah, it's-it's weird.
The only time I saw you two together
was when he was screaming in your face at school last week.
He was screaming at you?
Yeah, yeah...
Well, that wasn't very nice.
Well, Connor wasn't very nice, so that actually makes sense.
I think that everybody at this table can agree that Connor was, um...
A complicated person.
No, he was a bad person.
Zoe, please.
Don't pretend like you don't agree with me.
[Cynthia] You refuse to remember any of the good things.
Because there were no good things.
What were the good things?
I'm not having this conversation in front of our guest.
[Zoe] No, tell us the good things.
What were the good things? Family day at sunny Glen?
Zoe! This is not the time.
- Who knew rehab could be so much fun? - There were good things!
I'm not the only one. You remember, right?
Right. Yeah, of course. Yes, of course there were good things.
Tell us something. Please, Evan.
Right, um...
Connor and I...
I don't know, um...
We had a really great... We had a really great time together...
This one day recently.
That's something good that I remember. That day.
Yeah, that awesome day at the...
Um, trees.
- Trees? - Never mind, never mind.
I'm sorry, I don't... I don't ne...
I shouldn't have said anything, and I knew it was stupid, so I'm...
You don't mean the orchard, do you?
He took you to the apple orchard?
When?
Once. Just... just once. That once.
I thought that place closed years ago.
Well, the hiking trails are still open though, aren't they?
We used to go to the orchard all of the time. We'd do picnics there.
Do you remember that, Zoe?
Yeah, I do.
And you and Connor would fly that little toy plane
until you crashed it into the creek.
That was an emergency landing.
I can't believe that he took you there.
I bet you had fun. I bet the two of you...
I bet that was fun.
Yeah.
We did. We did. The whole day.
It was just...
J” end of ma y or early June this picture-perfect afternoon we share j”
what was the name of that ice cream place that we loved?
Gifford's?
- A la mode. - [Cynthia] That's it!
A la mode. And they had this homemade hot fudge.
J” drive the winding country road grab a scoop ata la ll/lode j”
j” and then we 're there j”
and we'd sit in that Meadow by the pine trees
and you and your brother would look for four-leaf clovers.
J” an open field that's framed with trees we pick a spot and shoot the breeze j”
j” like buddies do j”
j” ouoting songs by our favorite bands j”
j” telling jokes no one understands except us two j”
j” and we talk and take in the viewj”
j” all we see is sky for fore verj”
j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j”
j” feels like we could go on for fore ver this way j”
j” two friends on a perfect day j”
I'd completely forgotten about that place.
Well, I guess Connor didn't, did he?
J” we walk a while and talk about j”
j” the things we 'i/ do when we get out of school j”
j” bike the appalachian trail or write a book or learn to sail j”
j” wouldn't that be cool? J”
j” there's nothing that we can't discuss j”
j” like girls we wish would notice us but ne ver do j”
j” he looks around and says to me ”there is no where else I 'd rather be ” j”
j” and / say, ”ll/le too”j”
j” and we talk and take in the viewj”
j” we just talk and take in the view j”
j” all we see is sky for fore verj”
j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j”
j” feels like we could go on for fore ver this way j”
j” this wayj”
j” all we see is light for forever j”
j” cause the sun shines bright for fore ver j”
j” like we'll be all right for fore ver this way j”
j” two friends on a perfect day j”
j” and there he goes racing toward the tallest tree j”
j” from far across a yellow field I hear him calling, ”follow me ”j”
j” there we go j”
j” wondering how the world m/ght look from up so h/gh j”
j” one foot after the other one branch then to anotherj”
j” / cl/mb h/gher and higher j”
j” / cl/mb fill the entire sun j”
j” shines on my face j”
j” and / suddenly feel the branch give way j”
j” I'm on the ground j”
j” ll/ly arm goes numb j”
j” / look around j”
j” and / see him come to get me j”
he's come to get me.
J” and everything's okayj”
j” all we see is sky for fore verj”
j” we let the world pass by for fore ver j”
j” buddy, you and / for forever this way j”
j” this wayj”
j” all we see is lightj”
j” cause the sun burns bright j”
j” we could be all right for fore ver j”
j” this wayj”
j” two friends j”
j” true friends j”
j” on a perfect dayj”
thank you, Evan.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.
I mean, they think you were lovers. You realize that, right?
Oh, my god.
I thought you were gonna tell them the truth.
I tried, but then I just... I got nervous and I started talking.
And then once I started, I just...
Couldn't stop.
They didn't want me to stop.
What else did you say to them?
His mom thinks that we wrote emails to each other.
Oh, perfect.
She thinks he had, like, secret accounts.
Ha, yes! Secret email accounts. That's what all the cool kids are doing.
Hansen! Kalwani! Pick it up!
No, thank you!
- [Coach] What was that? - I said thank you for the encouragement!
Fascist.
She wants to see the emails.
And now you want me to make a bunch of fake emails for you. Classic.
- You know how to do that? - It's simple coding.
- But you failed coding. - If you consider a d-minus failing.
Just so we're clear, I charge a minimum of two grand per email.
And that is a floor, not a ceiling.
- $2,000? - 500.
- I didn't even ask for your help. - 250. Bottom line, take it or leave it.
I could probably give you 20 bucks.
Fine, but I'm not gonna act like I'm happy about it.
J” dear Evan Hansen we've been way too out of touch j”
j” things have been crazy j”
j” and it sucks that we don't talk that much j”
j” but / should tell you that / think of you each n/ght j”
j” / rub my nipples and start moaning with delight j”
why would you write that?
I'm just trying to make it erotic.
- Look, if you can't take this seriously... - Ugh, calm yourself, honey.
I just wanna get this over with.
J” / gotta tell you life without you has been hard j”
- "hard"? - J” has been bad j”
- "bad"? - Has been rough.
- Kinky! - Please stop.
J” and / miss talking about life and other stuff j”
- very specific. - Shut up!
-J” / like my parents j” -who says that?
J” / lo ve my parents but each day's another fight j”
j” if / stop smoking drugs then everything might be all right j”
"smoking drugs"?
Just fix it!
-J” if / stop smoking crack j” - "crack"?
J” if / stop smoking pot then everything might be all right j”
j” I'll take your advice I'll try to be more nice j”
j” I'll turn it around, wait and see j”
j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j”
j” it's easy to change if you give it your attention j”
j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j”
j” sincerely, ll/le j”
are we done?
I mean, I can't just show them one email.
I wanna show that I was, like, a good friend.
That I was trying to help him, you know.
Oh, my god.
J” dear Connor ll/lurph y yes, I also miss our talks j”
j” stop doing drugs just try to take deep breaths j”
-j” and go on walks j” -no.
J” I'm sending pictures of the most amazing trees j”
j” you'll be obsessed with all my forest expertise j”
what?
J” dude, I'm proud of you just keep pushing through j”
j” you're turning around j”
-j” / can see j” -j” just wait and see j”
j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j”
j” it's easy to change if you give it your attention j”
j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j”
j” sincerely, ll/le j”
j” ll/ly sister's hot j”
- what the hell? - My bad.
J” dear Evan Hansen thanks for every note you send j”
j” dear Connor ll/lurph y I'm just glad to be your friend j”
j” our friendship goes beyond your a verage kind of bond j”
j” but not because they're gay no, not because... j”
-j” well, anyway j” -j” you're getting better every day j”
j” I'm getting better e very day j”
-j” keep j” -j” getting j”
-j” betterj” -j” eveiyj”
j” dayj”
j” hey, hey, hey, heyj”
j” cause all that it takes is a little reinvention j”
j” it's easy to change if you give it j”
-j” your attention j” -j” your attention j”
j” all you gotta do is just belie ve you can be who you want to be j”
j” sincerely j”
j” miss you dear/yj”
j” sincerely, ll/le j”
I can't remember the last time that I heard him laugh.
But the two of them, if you read these...
I think if you could take ten minutes and actually read these emails...
I'm looking at them right now.
Zoe. Look what Evan sent us.
They're emails from your brother.
I printed them out.
Oh. Take that, trees.
- How was school? - [Zoe] Terrific.
All of a sudden, people I've never met want to be my best friends.
I'm the dead kid's sister, didn't you know?
I'm sure they mean well.
I'm sure they don't.
[Door closes]
She needs time.
No, Larry. She needs her parents.
Enjoy the game.
[Knocking]
[Knocks]
Can I come in?
Oh. You don't have to stop playing.
How was band?
You know, he talks about you playing guitar in one of his emails.
At the spring concert last year.
- Really? - Yeah.
Does he... does he talk about when he disappeared for two days?
But then he called me and asked me to come pick him up.
He wanted to come home, but he wasn't ready to talk to you yet,
so I took the bus all the way downtown to get him, and guess what?
All he really wanted was money.
And I gave it to him because I was 12.
He was struggling.
How about the time he tried to punch through my door,
screaming at the top of his lungs, saying he was gonna kill me for no reason?
Is that email in there?
We're all grieving in our own way.
You might consider reading these when you're ready.
They might help more than you think.
[Door closes]
J” why should / play this game of pretend j”
j” remembering through a second-hand sorrow? J”
j” such a great son and wonderful friend j”
j” oh, don't the tears just pour j”
j” / could curl up and hide in my room j”
j” here in my bed still sobbing tomorrow j”
j” / could give in to all of the gloom j”
j” but tell me, tell me what for? J”
j” why should I have a heavy heart? Why should / start to break in pieces? J”
j” why should / go and fall apart for you? J”
j” why should / play the grieving girl j”
j” and lie saying that I miss you j”
j” and that my world has gone dark without your light? J”
j” / wrll sing no requiem j”
j” tonightj”
J” we gave you the world you threw it away j”
j” leaving these broken pieces behind you j”
j” everything wasted, nothing to say j”
j” so I can sing no requiem j”
j” lhear your voice and feel you nearj”
j” within these words lfi'nally find you j”
j” and now that / know that you are still here j”
j” / wrll sing no requiem tonight j”
j” why should I have a heavy heart? J”
j” why should / sayj”
-j” I'i/ keep you with me? J” -j” I'i/ keep you with me j”
j” why should / go and fall apart for you? J”
j” why should / play the grieving girl j”
j” and lie saying that I miss you j”
-j” and that my world has gone dark j” -[Larry] J” ll/ly world has gone dark j”
-[Zoe] J” without your light? J” -[Cynthia] J” I can see your lightj”
[Zoe] J” / will sing no requiem tonight j”
j” cause when the villains fall the kingdoms never weep j”
j” no one lights a candle to rememberj”
j” no, no one mourns at all when they lay them down to sleep j”
j” so don't tell me that / didn't ha ve it right j”
j” don't tell me that it wasn't black and white j”
j” after all you put me through don't say it wasn't true j”
j” that you were not the monster... j”
[tires screeching]
J” that/ knewj”
j” cause / cannot play the grieving girl j”
j” and lie saying that I miss you j”
j” and that my world has gone dark j”
j” / wrll sing no requiem j”
j” tonightj”
j”ohj”
[mother] They did a whole thing about them on npr yesterday, these essay contests.
And if you win, it doesn't count against any financial aid.
You know, so $5,000 here, or $3,000 there. It adds up.
And we're gonna need all the help we can get with college.
Unless your stepmother has some trust fund for you that I don't know about,
with all those fabulous tips she made cocktail waitressing.
- Right? - [Chuckles softly]
Mmm.
[Clears throat]
I got a...
I got an email from your school yesterday, um,
about that boy that killed himself? Connor Murphy?
Yeah. I didn't really know him, so...
You know, if you ever wanna talk about anything...
Yeah. I mean, I know that lately it feels like I'm always working.
- It's fine. - But I'm-I'm here.
If I'm not here, I'm just a phone call away,
or an email or a text.
- You know, whatever. - I know.
It says "Connor" on your cast.
No, no. Yeah, um...
- You said you didn't know him. - Sorry. I didn't. Um...
It's in memory, so... like...
You know, kids are, like, um...
They're writing his name on lockers and stuff like that.
That's lovely. You know, in memory...
Hey. Tuesday. What are you doing?
When's the last time we did taco Tuesday?
- That'd be great. - Really?
Yeah.
So, the memorial's really just an opportunity
for all of us to come together as a community
and to remember Connor and celebrate who he was.
Would you wanna speak or perform?
I didn't really know him. I'm sorry.
- That's okay. - Bye.
- Want a wristband? - Oh. Yes. Yeah. Okay.
Thank you.
You were friends with him, right?
I saw him sign your cast in the library, and you started arguing about something.
Were you friends with him?
We weren't close.
We presented together on huck Finn in the tenth grade.
But he probably didn't tell you that.
No, no. I didn't know.
I always really liked him.
It seemed like he didn't really care what anyone else thought, and...
I thought that was pretty remarkable.
[Chuckles]
Well, I'm putting together a memorial for him at school on Friday.
If you wanted to do something...
Oh. Um...
Sorry, I...
I probably would rather not, if that's okay.
Yeah, sure.
If you change your mind... just text me.
Okay.
[Door closes]
Mom.
My mom realized we were out of ice cream, so they went to go get more.
Did you park in the driveway?
'Cause if you park on the street, they'll ticket you.
The people in this neighborhood are monsters.
No, I didn't. I didn't, um... I took the bus.
My mom needed the car for work.
What about your dad?
My dad? He lives in Colorado, so...
He left when I was seven.
That sucks.
Mine died when I was one, so... I sort of win.
- Sorry. - Thanks. It's fine.
I don't even really remember him, to be honest.
Connor did, though. A little.
That's terrible.
[Sighs] Yeah.
And then Larry showed up, fixed everything.
For a while, at least. Yeah.
Most people, with Connor, they just would've been like, "see ya."
But he's the only dad we ever really knew, so...
Wow. Your mom... I didn't realize.
Yeah, well...
She's in total denial now.
So is Larry. I mean, he didn't even cry at the funeral.
I'm sorry.
Not as sorry as you're gonna be.
- Oh, is... is that the... - Mm-hmm.
Gluten-free apple pie? You bet.
It-it looks...
- Inedible? It is. - [Chuckles]
Just be glad we get to have real ice cream.
My mom was Buddhist last year, so we couldn't have any animal products.
She was, um, Buddhist last year but not this year?
Yep. That's sort of what she does. She gets into a lot of different things.
For a while it was pilates. The secret.
Buddhism. Etcetera.
It's cool she's interested in so much different stuff.
Yeah. She's not though.
That's just what happens when you're rich and you don't have a job.
You get a little crazy.
My mom always says it's better to be rich than poor, so...
Well, your mom's probably never been rich, then.
Yeah. You've probably never been poor.
Oh, my god. I can't believe I just said that. I'm so sorry.
[Laughing] Wow.
I didn't realize you were capable of saying something that wasn't nice.
I'm not. I'm really sorry.
You really don't have to keep saying that.
Okay.
You wanna say it again.
Yeah, very much so, I do.
[Laughs]
Why did he write that? In his note?
"Because there's Zoe.
And I don't even know her, but if I could just talk to her..."
Honestly, I really don't know.
What does any of that even mean? I mean...
We weren't close at all. Not since we were kids.
He never noticed anything about me.
That's not true.
He noticed a lot of things about you.
Like what things?
[Scoffs]
Right.
No, no, no. That's...
Well... okay, okay.
Here's something.
Whenever you have a solo in jazz band, you just...
You probably don't even know you're doing this,
but you close your eyes, and you get, like...
I don't know. It's like a half smile.
Like you just heard the funniest thing in the world, but it's a secret,
and you can't tell anyone about it. But then...
The way that you smile, it's sort of like you are...
You're letting us in on the secret too.
J” he said there's nothing like your smile j”
j” sort of subtle and perfect and real j”
j” he said you never knew how wonderful j”
j” that smile could make someone feel j”
j” and he knew whene ver you get bored j”
j” you scribble stars on the cufis of your jeans j”
j” and he noticed that you still fill out the quizzes j”
j” that they put in those teen magazines j”
I do that ironically.
J” but he kept it all inside his head j”
j” what he saw he left unsaid j”
j” and though he wanted to he couldn't talk to you j”
j” he couldn't find a way j”
j” but he would always say j”
j” if / could tell her tell her everything I see j”
j” if / could tell her how she is everything to me j”
j” but we 're a million worlds apart j”
j” and / don't know howl would even start j”
j” if / could tell her j”
did he say anything else?
About you?
- Never mind. I don't even care. - No, no. He said so many things.
I'm just... I'm trying to remember the best ones, so...
J” he thought it looked pretty cool j”
j” when you put indigo streaks in your hair j”
- no fucking way. - [Laughs]
J” and he wondered how you learned to dance j”
j” like all the rest of the world isn't there j”
j” but he kept it all inside his head j”
j” what he saw he left unsaid j”
j” if / could tell her tell her everything I see j”
j” if / could tell her how she is everything to me j”
j” but we 're a million worlds apart j”
j” and / don't know howl would even start j”
j” if / could tell her j”
j” but what do you do when there is this great divide? J”
j” he just seemed so far away j”
j” and what do you do when the distance is too wide? J”
-j” it's like I don't know anything j” -j” and how do you say j”
j” lloveyou? J”
j” llove youj”
j” but we 're a million worlds apart j”
j” and / don't know howl would even start j”
j” if / could tell her j”
j”/f/could... j”
- [door opens] - [Cynthia] Hello?
- [Evan] Sorry. - [Zoe] Uh...
[Door closes]
You beat us.
- Zoe, can you help serve? - [Zoe] Yeah.
- [Cynthia] Larry, get the plates. - Can I do anything?
No, no. You're the guest. You sit down.
We asked if they had any soy ice cream,
but the guy at the store said there was just no whey, so...
- When are you gonna give up thatjoke? - I think never, actually.
[Cynthia] You don't have to laugh at that. Please don't.
I am sorry, but there's no way you'd ever be able to tell
in a million years that this was gluten-free.
Mom, come on. Look at it.
A million years is, uh... That's a lot of years.
Do you see what I have to deal with?
I'm glad you're here.
[Cell phone chimes]
[Evan] "The Connor project."
So, it's a student group
dedicated to mental health awareness, outreach and education.
Great. This is... it's great.
You know the Murphys, right?
Mm-hmm.
I was wondering if you would reach out to them and get their blessing?
Oh, well, I don't...
- Lldont“. - You wanna help the Murphys?
And all the other people who might need it?
Like people like Connor.
Or... people like us.
"People like us"?
Yes, right, because we have so much in common.
What?
Well, you're, like, the president of a million different groups at school,
and you're part of every single activity.
And you're, you know... and I'm...
Um, I am not.
What do you take?
Okay, I'll go first.
I'm on Lexapro, ten milligrams.
Well, I'm on Zoloft.
And Wellbutrin.
And, um, ativan as needed.
Depression? Anxiety?
Yeah.
Yeah. Me too.
Some days, it's just like...
It's like, um...
Impossible?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
You know, you don't really act like a... Depressed sort of person.
I'm just good at staying anonymous.
Same as you.
There are a lot of people who feel like us.
People that you wouldn't think.
J” you ever look at all the people who seem to know exactly how to be? J”
j” you think, they don't need piles of prescriptions to function naturally j”
j” well, look again and you might catch it just stay a minute more j”
j” there's this little moment after the sunny smile j”
j” as their eyes fall to the fioorj”
j” the anonymous ones who never let you see the ache they carry j”
j” all of those anonymous ones j”
j” who never name that quiet pain they Bury j”
j” so they keep on keepin'secrets that they think they have to hide j”
j” but what if everybody's secret ls they ha ve that secret side? J”
j” and to know the y're somehow not alone j”
j” well, that's all the y're hoping forj”
j” what if they didn't have to stay j”
j” anonymous anymore? J”
J” spot the girl who stays in motion she spins so fast so she won't fall j”
j” she's built a wall with her achie vements to keep out the question j”
j” without it is she worth anything at all? J”
j” so nobody can know j”
j” just what the cracks might show j”
j” how deep and dark they go j”
j” there are those anonymous ones j”
j” stuck inside the perfect frame they're faking j”
j” all of us anonymous ones j”
j” who pick themselves apart till they start breaking j”
j” and we keep on keepin'secrets that we think we have to hide j”
j” but what we really need is somebody to see that secret side j”
j” and to know we 're somehow not alone is all we 're hoping forj”
j” and then we wouldn't have to be anonymous anymore j”
J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the anonymous one, noticed by none j”
go, bobcats!
J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
[Cynthia] "The Connor project"?
Yeah, so it's a student group dedicated to keeping Connor's memory alive.
Making sure people that need help have somewhere they can go.
I didn't realize Connor meant this much to people.
Well, I mean, it was all Alana's idea. She thought of the whole thing.
That's the young woman who organized the memorial tomorrow.
Mm-hmm.
- Well, she seems like... quite a force. - [Evan] Yeah, um...
Anyways...
We just wanted to do something.
It's-it's really cool.
There's something I wanna show you.
Sure.
- [Door opens] - [Cynthia] Here we go.
It's a bit of a mess, I know.
We still haven't decided what to do with everything.
Oh, um...
He used to write songs. Or at least he told us he did.
He refused to play for us, so, who knows?
He never played any for you?
No, he didn't.
No. I'm sorry.
Here it is.
It's a... [chuckles]
When Connor entered seventh grade,
all of my girlfriends said, "here it comes, bar mitzvah season.
He's going to have a different party every Saturday."
And Larry was so excited to take him shopping.
He dragged him to Brooks brothers,
and they picked out a suit, some shirts and this tie.
He looked just like his dad.
He never got invited to a single party.
He was such a sweet boy underneath it all.
Everything just hurt too much.
I thought that you could wear this to the memorial. For your speech.
I'm not... I've... I...
I wasn't... I'm not speaking.
- Why not? - Well, I...
I just don't think, um...
I mean, most people think that I'm... not that cool of a person.
So nobody wants to hear from me.
Well, if that's what most people think...
It sounds like most people don't know you very well.
[Chuckles]
They didn't know Connor either.
They never bothered.
Hmm.
You can tell them what they missed.
You're so handsome.
[Students chattering quietly]
[Sighs shakily]
[Whispering] I'm so glad you changed your mind.
Today is a day of remembrance and reflection.
It sucks he isn't here to see this.
The first person we'll hear from this morning is Evan Hansen.
- Good morning, s... - [Mic feedback shrieking]
Sorry. [Clears throat] Sorry.
Good morning, students and faculty.
I would like to say a few words to you today...
About my friend...
My best friend, Connor Murphy.
Holy shit.
I would like to tell you about the day that Connor and I went hiking
behind the old Autumn smile apple orchard.
We found a huge oak tree.
Connor said he wondered what the world would look like from all the way up there,
so we decided to find out.
We started climbing slowly,
and then when I finally looked back, we were already 30 feet off the ground.
Connor just looked at me...
And smiled that way he always did.
Um. And then...
Sorry. Then I fell.
I lay there on the ground, and...
Good morning, students and... faculty.
Sorry, that...
Sorry, that's the wrong...
- [Mic feed back] - [Laughter]
[Breathing shakily]
[Exhales deeply]
J” have you ever felt like nobody was there? J”
j” have you ever felt forgotten in the middle of nowhere? J”
j” have you ever felt like you could disappear? J”
j” like you could fall and no one would hear? J”
but, see, the thing is, when I looked up, Connor was there.
That's the gift he gave me.
To show me that I wasn't alone. Nobody is.
That's the gift that he gave all of us.
I just wish...
I wish we could've given that to him.
J” let that lonely feeling wash away j”
j” maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay j”
j” cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand j”
j” you can reach, reach out your hand j”
j” and, oh, someone wrll come runnin'j”
j” and / know the y'i/ take you home j”
j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j”
j” when you need a friend to carry you j”
j” and when you're broken on the ground j”
j” you will be found j”
j” so let the sun come streamin'in j”
j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j”
j” lift your head and look around j”
j” you will be found j”
Have you seen this?
People started sharing it, and now, it's everywhere.
This morning it only had, like, 30 views.
- Well, how many does it have now? - 723.
2,326 views.
14,359.
I don't understand what happened.
You did.
J” there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j”
- oh, my god. - Everybody needs to see this.
J” and every time that you call out j”
j” you're a little less alone j”
-I can't stop watching this video. 77years old.
J” if you only say the word j”
- take five minutes. - /t'll make your day.
J” from across the silence j”
j” your voice is heard j”
j”ohj”
- share it with the people you love. - Repost.
The world needs to hear this.
Beautiful tribute.
I know someone who really needed to hear this today.
So, thank you, Evan Hansen, for doing what you're doing.
Ine ver met you, Connor,
but coming on here, reading everyone's posts...
Evan is exactly right. We are not alone.
We are not alone. None of us.
- None of us are alone. - Like. Forward
especially now, with everything you hear on the news.
- Like. Share. - Repost. Forward
thank you, Evan Hansen, for giving us a space to remember Connor.
- Thanks to Evan. - Thanks for helping my mom.
Thank you, Evan Hansen.
J” to take you home j”
j” to take you home j”
just reach out.
-J” to take you home j” - this is about community and friendship.
J” to take you home j”
[woman] Thank you, Evan Hansen.
J” even when the dark comes crashin' through j”
j” when you need a friend to carry you j”
j” when you're broken on the ground you will be found j”
j” so let the sun come streamin'in j”
j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j”
j” if you only look around you will be found j”
j” you will be found j”
-j” you will be found j” -j” you will be found j”
j” you will be found j”
j” out of the shadows the morning is breaking j”
j” and all is new, all is newj”
j” it's filling up the empty and suddenly I see j”
j” that all is new, all is newj”
j” you are not alone j”
-j” you are not alone j” -j” you are not alone j”
j” you are not alone j”
j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j”
j” when you need someone to carry you j”
j” when you're broken on the ground j”
j” you will be found j”
j” so let the sun come streamin'in j”
j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j”
j” if you only look around j”
j” you will be found j”
j” even when the dark comes crashin' through j”
j” you will be found j”
j” when you need someone to carry you j”
j” you will be found j”
[sniffles, chuckles]
Hey. What's wrong?
Everything you said in your speech.
Everything you've done.
You don't know how much you've given all of us.
My family. Me.
No, I...
You've given me my brother back.
[Saw whirring]
[Alana] Welcome to the first ofiicial meeting of the Connor project
right?
Now, as you all know from Evan's speech,
Connor's favorite place in the entire world was the Autumn smile apple orchard.
I am beyond excited to announce that in addition to our support groups,
we will be launching a kickstarter campaign
to raise $100,000 to reopen and redesign Autumn smile
as the Connor Murphy memorial orchard.
[Applause]
Soto explain what we're going to be asking of you,
I'm gonna turn things over to our director of global communications.
Thanks, Alana. 80 great.
Our new website is now live.
If you have not yet read the emails between Evan and Connor...
Oh, you're gonna wanna grab some tissues.
[Retching]
I swear I've got a Cal ripken here somewhere. Look at that. Hmm?
The entire '96 team. There's three hall of famers on there.
- Wow. - You get the right people,
baseball fans, you could raise at least a few hundred bucks for the orchard,
maybe a couple thousand.
Yeah, but...
I mean, you should probably keep all this stuff.
It's just gonna sit here gathering dust.
Stiff as a board, isn't it?
- Yeah. - Well, it's never been used.
Connor, he loved baseball... When he was little.
The first time I met him...
Cynthia wasn't sure how the kids would react.
She was terrified. And I was terrified.
I mean, five minutes in...
Connor's, like, pulling my arm...
"Come on. Let's go play catch."
I bought that, I don't know, two years ago.
I thought, you know, maybe we could...
So stupid.
He was really lucky to have a step...
To have a dad like you.
Your dad must feel pretty lucky to...
Have a son like you.
Yeah, he does.
[Sighs]
[Phone clicks]
[Phone dings]
[Phone shuts off]
[Cell phone chimes]
You know, I saw the strangest thing on Facebook yesterday.
- Really? - Um, somebody had a video
of you doing a speech.
About that boy. Connor Murphy.
How the two of you climbed a tree together. At an orchard.
You told me that you didn't know him,
but in the speech you said that he was your best friend.
Right, well... 'Cause it wasn't true, um...
When I said I didn't know him.
Hmm.
I thought that you broke your arm at work.
Okay, well, who do you think drove me to urgent care?
And waited there with me? You were at work. You remember?
I couldn't even... You didn't answer your phone.
You told me that your boss took you.
Well, so I lied, obviously.
So when were you planning on telling me any of this?
- When would I tell you? When are you here? - I'm here now.
Okay.
[Phone dings]
I talked to Dr. Sherman, and he told me you've been skipping appointments.
- I missed one. - You know, those aren't free.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm so happy you had a friend, sweetheart.
I'm sorry he's gone. I just wish I'd known.
That speech you gave, it...
I don't even know what to say. I'm...
I'm proud of you.
Thanks.
[Doorbell rings]
[Sighs]
This is a cool surprise.
[Door closes]
[Evan] Um...
Can I get you anything? Or...
Just water.
- Just water? You're sure? - Yeah. That's perfect.
Coming up.
[Water pouring]
Where's your mom?
She works late on Fridays.
- I wanted to meet her. - Yeah, that would've been great.
[Sniffs]
What's this?
Oh. It's just... my mom is obsessed with these college scholarship essay contests.
I mean, I'd have to win probably, like, all of them
to actually pay for college, so...
Your parents, they can't...
Uh, not really.
I'm sorry.
Is your room upstairs?
Yeah. It's, um...
Yeah.
Yeah. So it's a pretty standard sort of room, I guess.
So... hey! Oh, um...
Actually, I meant to tell you this before.
So Alana and I had a really good...
Um, we had a really good meeting this morning, and I think...
You probably noticed that, you know,
a lot of people were giving during that first week,
which is definitely great, but it sort of slowed down a bit, obviously.
But Alana and I are really confident that it's gonna pick right back up.
I think it's just a matter of...
Can I talk to you about something?
Yes.
[Sighs] Uh...
The Connor project is awesome. It's really, really cool.
Thank you.
It's just that my whole life, everything has been about him.
And maybe the two of us...
Maybe we don't have to talk about my brother all the time.
Maybe we can...
Talk about other things.
I like you.
And it's not because you were friends with my brother,
or because of the Connor project.
I like you 'cause...
You.
J” / don't need you to sell me on reasons to want you j”
j” / don't need you to search for the proof that I should j”
j” you don't have to convince me j”
j” you don't have to be scared you're not enough j”
j” cause what we've got goin'is good j”
j” / don't need more reminders of all that's been broken j”
j” / don't need you to fix what / 'd rather forget j”
j” clear the slate and start overj”
j” try to quiet the noises in your head j”
j” we can't compete with all that j”
j” so what if it's us? J”
j” what if it's us and only us? J”
j” and what came before won't count anymore, or matter? J”
j” can we try that? J”
j” what if it's you? What if it's me? J”
j” and what if that's all that we need it to be? J”
j” and the rest of the world falls away j”
j” what do you say? J”
j” / ne ver thought there 'd be someone like you who would want me j”
well...
J” so I give you 70,000 reasons to not let me go j”
j” but if you really see me j”
j” if you like me for me and nothing else j”
j” well, that's all that I've wanted for longer than you could possibly know j”
j” so it can be us j”
j” it can be us and only us j”
j” and what came before won't count anymore, or matter j”
j” we can try that j”
j” it's not so impossible j”
j” nobody else but the two of us here j”
j” cause you're saying it's possible j”
j” we can just watch the whole world disappearj”
j” till you're the only one j”
j” / still know how to see j”
[Evan] J” it's just you and me j”
[Zoe] J” it'll be us j”
j” it'll be us and only us j”
j” and what came before won't count anymore j”
j” we can try that j”
j” you and me that's all that we need it to be j”
j” and the rest of the world falls away j”
j” the world falls away j”
J” the world falls away j”
j” the world falls away j”
J” the world falls away j”
all right, let's just start without him.
J” the world falls away j”
j” and it's only us j”
[Alarm beeps]
[Both laughing]
[Cynthia] I've been told that many times.
Hi, honey.
[Cynthia] Come join us. I just put dinner in the oven.
[Chuckles]
She made me swear to keep it a surprise.
I'm surprised.
Hi. It's so nice to finally meet you.
- Hi. - Oh, hi. Yeah... great. It's great.
Come on, Evan. Sit.
I thought that you were working tonight.
Cynthia called and invited me for dinner, so, you know, I'm playing hooky.
We were just discussing how sneaky you and Connor were.
[Mother] I had no idea that he and Connor were even friends.
[Larry] We were the same.
[Cynthia] You know, boys love their secrets.
Something smells good. What's for dinner?
It's chicken milanese. Your favorite.
Actually his favorite
- is my great-grandmother's black beans. - Really?
Well, he's the only one that appreciates my cooking, so...
That's not true.
- Another drop? - No, no. I'm fine. Thank you.
Fascinating story about the wine.
It's from a vineyard in napa,
and the entire growing process from start to finish, 100% sustainable.
Is that right?
Not to mention, it tastes good too.
It does.
You know, I-I didn't realize,
Cynthia and Larry were telling me that you spend so much time here.
Yeah. You've been working a lot, so...
Why did I think you were at Jared's?
I-I don't know.
Evan was showing me all of those scholarship contests that you found.
It's really impressive.
Well, Evan is a great writer.
Well, that does not surprise me at all.
His English teacher last year told me
that he wrote one of the best papers she'd ever read on sulu.
Is that right?
- It's sula. - What?
You said "squ." It's sula.
Yeah, I believe sulu's a character on Star Trek
[chuckling]
My mistake.
So, speaking of scholarships...
Oh, right, uh...
Yeah, well, I guess now's as good a time as any.
Cynthia, do you wanna...
Well, um...
Zoe happened to mention that Evan was having some difficulty
in terms of the financial burden of college.
And Larry and I started thinking,
and we've been fortunate enough to set some money aside for Connor.
- I'm good. I'm okay. - Yeah.
Heidi, with your blessing, we would like to give Evan
the money that we set aside for our son so he can fulfill his dreams.
Thank you so much...
But we're gonna be fine.
I don't have a lot of money, but I do have some.
Oh. No, no. I didn't mean to in...
No, no, I understand. But we do have money,
so I'm sorry you were under the impression that we didn't.
And whatever money we don't have,
Evan will either make up for with a job, or he'll get a scholarship.
I don't want my son to get the idea
that it's okay to rely on other people for favors.
- Well, it's not a favor. - No.
But as his mother, I need to set that example.
You can't expect things from strangers.
[Chuckles] We're not strangers.
No, of course not.
But you're not family either.
[Evan] Mom, just hold on.
No, I think I better get to work, see if I can grab a shift
now that I know how concerned you are about our finances.
- Mom, will you please come back inside? - Oh, my god.
- Are you kidding me? - Will you just come back inside, please?
They think you're their son, these people.
- They're not "these people." - They don't really know you.
Well, they like me. I know that's very hard for you to believe.
That they don't think I'm...
That there's something wrong with me, that I need to be fixed, like you do.
When have I ever said that?
Oh, my god. Mom, I have to go to therapy, right? I have to take drugs.
There's nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong with needing help, honey.
Just stop. I know that there is and that I'm a burden.
I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you,
and I just ruined your life, okay?
No. You are the best thing.
You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sorry I can't give you anything more than that.
It's not my fault if other people can.
I'll see you at home.
[Door opens]
- [Door closes] - [Engine starts]
I'm so sorry. I meant to be there yesterday.
Okay, well, we have two days left, and we're $25,000 short.
Yeah, I just... everything...
You're right. I know. I'm sorry.
Things have been really busy, so...
I've been wondering something.
Were you ever actually friends with him?
What are you talking about?
Well, the thing about the emails, it's just that, like,
you and Connor keep talking about climbing this tree together in June.
- Mm-hmm. - We were in school in June.
You didn't have a cast until September.
You know what? We probably wrote down the wrong date or something.
It's not just the emails, Evan.
You've missed, like, three meetings in a row.
If I were his best friend, I would be doing everything I could
to make sure his dream of rebuilding the orchard came true.
Okay...
Look, it's terrible that people aren't giving as much money as we hoped. It is.
But it's not like it's him. You know what I mean?
It's just... it's an orchard, Alana.
We have people watching us, hoping...
Praying that we can prove Connor wrong.
And if the orchard is just an empty promise,
all of those people will know that Connor was right...
That no one cares.
Did you lie to me?
Did I lie to all these people?
Just go to your email.
- Another email? - It's not...
It's not another email.
"Dear Evan Hansen."
If we weren't friends, then he wouldn't...
He wouldn't have written his note to me.
Look, only his family have seen this, okay?
You can't show it to anybody else, okay?
Alana.
Okay.
[Bell rings]
He wasn't right.
You know that, don't you?
[Sniffles]
J” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the anonymous one noticed by none j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
J” the anonymous ones j”
j” who might just need this moment to remind them j”
j” that there are more anonymous ones j”
j” the y're out there if you take the time to find them j”
J” just to know we 're somehow not alone j”
j” isn't that all we 're e ver really looking for? J”
[Exhales]
J” maybe we, we don't have to be j”
j” anonymous anymore j”
[Computer chimes]
[Chiming continues]
[Vibrating]
Can you imagine?
[Cell phones chiming]
[Chiming continues]
Wh-what's wrong?
Yep.
[Cell phone chimes]
[Cell phone vibrating]
- Hi. - Alana, you have to take it down, okay?
- The y've been through enough. - I took it down already, Evan,
but it doesn't matter because it's everywhere.
Zoe, it's me. Please call me back, okay? I'm worried about you.
- They have pictures of us now. - Just put it away.
"His parents act like they are bereft,
but where were they when their son was actually alive?"
Please stop reading them.
- Hey. Is Zoe here? - She went home.
[Sighs]
Things really aren't good here.
I know. I just... I had to come.
[Larry] I don't know.
[Cynthia] Did they hack our computers? They hacked our emails?
These people are adults. Did you see their pictures?
- [Cell phone ringing] - [Larry] Maybe let it ring.
[Zoe] Hello?
Yeah, have fun with your miserable life.
- What did they say? What's the number? - It's blocked.
- Did they threaten you? - No. It doesn't matter.
[Cynthia] I'm calling the police.
[Larry] Right now, maybe the best thing to do is to just stay calm, all right?
[Cynthia] That's always your solution, isn't it? Wait and see.
- Wait and see, right? - [Larry] What are the police going to do?
It's the Internet. Are they gonna arrest the Internet?
[Cynthia] I had to beg you, every step of the way, for therapy, for rehab.
[Larry] What? No, no.
You went lurching from one miracle cure to the next.
[Cynthia] Oh, you're... really?
Because all he needed was another $20,000 weekend yoga retreat.
What was your alternative?
Other than picking apart everything that I did?
How about putting him on one program and sticking to it?
Remember what he said the first time that Connor tried to kill himself?
- "He's just looking for attention. - For Christ's sake.
- [Cynthia] He just wants attention." - I'm not gonna sit here and defend myself!
You couldn't understand him. You never understood him because he wasn't yours.
Mom, what the hell?
I raised him from the time he was three years old.
He was getting better and you refused to see it. Ask Evan.
Tell them, Evan.
Evan did everything that he could.
Evan? Evan was in denial of what was happening.
[Zoe] Do not bring him into this.
[Cynthia] Read the note, Larry. Read what he said.
”I just wish that everything was different ”
- I tried. But he was my son! - [Cynthia] He wanted to be better!
- [Zoe] Please. - I tried everything!
Stop it! Just please stop! Please stop fighting.
He was trying to be better. He was trying!
And he was failing.
We failed him.
No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You didn't fail him.
Read the note.
He didn't write it.
I wrote it.
You didn't write Connor's suicide note.
It was an assignment from my therapist. Write a letter to yourself. A pep talk.
"Dear Evan Hansen, today's going to be a good day.
- Here's why." - I don't think that...
I was supposed to bring it to my appointment with me,
but Connor took it, and then I guess he must've had it with him...
When you found him, so...
What are you saying?
We weren't friends.
No. No, no, no.
J” / never meant to make it such a mess j”
j” / ne ver thought that it would go this farj”
there were emails. You showed us emails.
J” so I just stand here sorry searching for something to say j”
j” something to say j”
you knew about the orchard. He took you to the orchard.
That's where you broke your arm.
I broke my arm in Ellison park.
Um, by myself.
But that day at the orchard...
You and Connor at the orchard.
J” words fail, words fail j”
j” there's nothing I can say j”
oh, god.
But you said that you guys would talk about me. He would...
How could you do this?
J” / guess / thought I could be part of this j”
j” / never had this kind of thing before j”
j” / ne ver had that perfect girl j”
j” who somehow could see the good part of me j”
j” lne ver had the dad who stuck it out j”
j” no corny jokes or baseball gloves j”
j” no mom who just was there j”
j” cause mom was all that she had to be j”
j” that's not a worthy explanation I know there is none j”
j” nothing can make sense of all these things I've done j”
j” words fail, words fail j”
j” there's nothing I can say j”
j” except sometimes you see everything you wanted j”
j” and sometimes you see everything you wish you had j”
j” and it's right there, right there right there j”
j” in front of you j”
J” and you want to believe it's true j”
J” so you make it true j”
j” and you think j”
j” ll/laybe everybody wants it j”
j” and needs it j”
j” a little bit too j”
Zoe.
I think it's time for you to go.
[Door opens]
[Door closes]
Go away, Evan.
It isn't fair, okay?
You can't... you can't let people just blame you and your parents.
They need to know it was me. I'm the one people should hate.
Yeah, well, we're not telling anyone.
Well, that's... I...
You can't... you have to.
It's not my decision. It's my mom's.
She doesn't wanna ruin your life. She's afraid you'll do something stupid.
Like hurt yourself.
[Sniffles]
She said they already lost one son.
Can you just...
Leave my family alone. Okay?
J” this was just a sad invention j”
j” /t wasn't real, / know j”
j” but we were happyj”
j” / guess / couldn't let that go j”
j” / guess / couldn't give that up j”
j” / guess / wanted to believe cause if I just belie ve j”
j” then / don't have to see what's really there j”
j” no, ID rather pretend j”
j” I'm something better than these broken parts j”
j” pretend I'm something other than this mess that I am j”
j” cause then / don't have to look at it and no one gets to look at it j”
j” no, no one can really see j”
j” cause I've learned to slam on the brake j”
j” before leven turn the keyj”
j” before lmake the mistake j”
j” before llead with the worst of me j”
j” / never let them see j”
j” the worst of me j”
J” cause what if everyone saw? J”
j” what ifeveryone knew? J”
j” would they like what they saw? J”
j” or would they hate it too? J”
J” will I just keep on running away j”
j” from what's true? J”
j” all / ever do is run j”
j” so how do I step in j”
j” step into the sun? J”
j” step into the sun j”
Evan?
Oh, honey.
"Dear Evan Hansen"...
You wrote this? Connor's note?
[Sighs] I didn't know.
No one did.
No, honey, that's...
That's not what I meant.
I didn't know that you were...
That you were hurting like that.
That you felt...
I didn't know.
I lied.
I lied about so many things.
Not just Connor. Um...
[Sighs]
So, last summer...
I just...
I just felt so alone.
You can tell me.
The tree.
I didn't fall.
I let go.
- Oh, Evan. - Do you hate me now?
You should. You should.
If you knew who I am, just how, just broken I am.
I already know you.
And I love you.
I can promise you that...
Someday...
All of this is gonna feel like a very long time ago.
Your dad, um...
Do you remember when he drove by to get his things?
It was a few weeks after he moved out.
"Temporarily," we said.
J” it was a February day j”
j” when your dad came by before gor'n ' away j”
j” a u-haul truck in the drivewayj”
j” the day it was suddenly real j”
j” / told you not to some outside j”
j” but you saw that truck and you smiled so wide j”
[chuckles]
J” a real live truck in your drivewayj”
j” we let you sit behind the wheel j”
j” goodbye, goodbye j”
j” now it's just me and my little guy j”
j” and the house felt so big j”
j” and / felt so small j”
j” the house felt so big j”
j” and / felt so small j”
j” that night / tucked you into bed j”
j” / wrll ne ver forget how you sat up and said j”
j” ”ls there another truck comin ' to our drive way? J”
j” a truck that will take ll/lomm y away?”j”
j” and the house felt so big j”
j” and / felt so small j”
j” the house felt so big j”
j”and/...j”
j” and / knew there would be ll/loments that I 'd miss j”
j” and / knew there would be space / couldn't fill j”
j” and / knew I'd come up shortj”
j” a million difierent ways j”
j” and/didj”
pand/doj”
j” and/ will j”
j” but like that February day j”
j” / will take your hand squeeze it tightly and say j”
j” ”there is not another truck in the drivewayj”
j” your mom isn't goin ' anywhere your mom is sta yin ' right here ” j”
j” your mom isn't goin ' anywhere your mom is sta yin ' right here j”
j” no matter what j”
j” /'ll be here j”
j” when it all feels so big j”
j” till it all feels so small j”
j” when it all feels so big j”
j” till it all feels so small j”
[sniffles] Oh...
It's gonna get better, I promise.
I was never friends with Connor Murphy.
I lied.
Repeatedly.
To his family, to Alana, to all of you.
I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it.
But, um, please...
Connor's family doesn't deserve your hatred.
I do.
I'm sorry.
[Sighs]
[Connor] J” spent so many seasons lost inside my mind j”
j” lost inside my mind j”
j” like a message in a bottle I thought nobody would find j”
j” that nobody would find j”
j” I've been driftinj I've been dreamin'j”
j” / would land upon the shore j”
j” to a haven, to a harborj”
j” that felt so far before j”
j” well, today, todayj”
j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj”
j” for today, todayj”
j” todayj”
j” it feels a little closer j”
j” how long these days of darkness at the bottom of a well j”
j” that old, familiar well j”
j” sittin ' heavy with these secrets with nobody to tell j”
j” nobody to tell j”
j” high above, a streak of sunlight j”
j” and a wall too tail to climb j”
j” all the reaching, all the wanting j”
j” just to tumble every time j”
- I think we got it. - [Chuckles]
[Jared] All right.
J” but today, todayj”
j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj”
j” for today, todayj”
j” todayj”
j” it feels a little closer j”
J” and the days carry on j”
j” the clouds come rollin'in and then the y're gone j”
j” as the days keep comin' on j”
j” the midnight sky turns to dawn j”
J” today, todayj”
j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj”
j” for today, todayj”
j” what felt so far away feels a little closerj”
j” for today, todayj”
j” todayj”
j” it feels a little closer j”
j” a little closerj”
j” it feels a little closer j”
j” a little closerj”
j” it feels a little closer j”
[Song ends]
You must start school pretty soon.
Two more weeks.
When do you leave for college?
Um, actually, I decided to take a year off, so...
Just try to save some money. Get a job.
Take some time.
So, I'm taking classes at the community college.
I'll have credits to transfer in the fall, so...
- That's smart. - Yeah. We'll see.
[Sighs] I always picture you and Connor here.
Eventhough”.
This is my first time.
It's nice.
Peaceful.
My parents come here all the time.
We do picnics, like, every weekend.
Lots of gluten-free sandwiches.
It's helped them a lot, actually.
Having this.
What I did...
I can't even...
It's the worst thing anyone can do.
I wish we could have met now.
Today. For the first time.
Me too.
- I should probably... - Yeah. Yeah, of course. Of course.
Hey, can I just...
Can I just ask you...
Why did you want to meet here?
[Sighs]
I wanted to be sure that you saw this.
He really loved it here.
[Evan] Dear Evan Hansen,
today is gonna be a good day, and here is why.
Because today, no matter what else,
today, at least you're you.
No hiding, no lying. And that's... that's enough.
So no matter how hard it gets, e ven if it feels...
Impossible,
this time you'll know.
Don't let go.
Just hold on...
And keep going.
Just keep going.
J” todayj”
j” todayj”
j” it feels a little closer j”
J” have you ever felt like nobody was there? J”
j” have you ever felt forgotten j”
j” in the middle of nowhere? J”
j” have you ever felt like you could disappear? J”
j” like you could fall j”
j” and no one would hear? J”
j” well, let that lonely feeling wash a way j”
j” maybe there's a reason to believe you'll be okay j”
j” cause when you don't feel strong enough to stand j”
j” you can reach j”
j” reach out your hand j”
j” andohj”
j” someone will come running j”
j” and / know j”
j” the y'll take you home j”
j” even when the dark comes crashing through j”
j” when you need a friend to carry you j”
j” and when you're broken on the ground j”
j” you will be found j”
j” so let the sun come streaming in j”
j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j”
j” lift your head and look around j”
j” you will be found j”
j” there's a place where we don't have to feel unknown j”
j” and every time you call out j”
j” you're a little less alone j”
j” oh, if you only say the word j”
j” oh, from across the srlence j”
j” your voice is heard j”
j” even when the dark comes crashing through j”
j” when you need a friend to carry you j”
j” and when you're broken on the ground j”
j” you will be found j”
j” so let the sun come streaming in j”
j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j”
j” lift your head and look around j”
j” you will be found j”
j” ah-ah j”
j” out of the shadows the morning is breaking j”
j” and all is new, and all is newj”
j” it's filling up the empty and suddenly I see j”
j” that all is new j”
j” all is newj”
j” even when the dark comes crashing through j”
j” when you need a friend to carry you j”
j” and when you're broken on the ground j”
j” you will be found j”
j” so let the sun come streaming in j”
j” cause you'll reach up and you'll rise again j”
j” lift your head and look around j”
j” you will be found j”
J” ever look at all the people j”
j” seem to know exactly how to be? J”
j” how to be, how to be nowj”
j” how to be j”
j” you think they don't need piles of prescnptions j”
j” to function naturally j”
j” functioning natural j”
j” take a look and you might just catch it j”
j” stay a minute more j”
j” ll/linute more, minute more now j”
j” ll/linute more j”
j” there's a little moment after the sunny smile j”
j” that eyes fall to the fioorj”
j” to the floor, to the floor nowj”
j” to the fioorj”
j” and then truth starts peeking through j”
j” peeking through j”
j” they don't lie like me and you j”
j” they can fake a smile too j”
j” the anonymous ones j”
j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j”
j” they carry, they carry, they carry j”
j” all those anonymous ones j”
j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j”
j” they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j”
j” keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j”
j” what ifeverybody's secret is they ha ve that secret side? J”
j” and to know, to know we 're not alone j”
j” is all we 're hoping forj”
j” / don't wanna be anonymous j”
j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j”
j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j”
J” anymore j”
J” spot the girl who stays in motion j”
j” spins so fast so she won't fall j”
j” world is spinning so fast spinning so fast j”
j” she's built a wall of her achie vements to keep out the question j”
j” without it is she worth anything at all? J”
j” and truth starts peeking through j”
j” they don't lie like me and you j”
j” they can fake a smile too j”
j” the anonymous ones j”
j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j”
j” they carry, they carry, they carry j”
j” all those anonymous ones j”
j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j”
j” they Bury, they Bury, they Bury j”
j” / don't wanna be anonymous j”
j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j”
j” / don't wanna be anonymous anymore j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” the parts we can't tell we carry them well j”
j” but that doesn't mean they're not hea vy j”
j” heavyj”
j” the anonymous ones j”
j” ne ver let you see the hate they carry j”
j” they carry, they carry, they carry j”
j” all the anonymous ones j”
j” ne ver name the quiet pain they Bury j”
j” keep on keeping secrets that they think they have to hide j”
j” what ifeverybody's secret is they ha ve that secret side? J”
j” and to know, to know we 're not alone j”
j” is all we 're hoping forj”
j” / don't wanna be anonymous j”
j” / ain't gotta be anonymous j”
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