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Salty and sweet.
That was my mother.
Always did have a flavor for danger.
Pickled in her wine, She so desperately tried.
Oh, but she couldn't take care of me, mm-mm.
Not like you did, anyway.
Lord, I know you put me here for a reason,
and Lord knows I've tried to forget it.
But through all these choppy waters, I thank you,
my dear Jesus, for keeping this humble heart beating free.
My love, my Lord, my savior.
I love you, I love you, I love you. I just wanna marry you.
Oh, Jesus, you're my one and only.
I swear, I will always...
Hey, I told you to clean the...
Really?
This is what you're doing in the middle of the goddamn day? Great.
Can't you just be a normal kid?
Normal kid? Well, how'd I do?
Yeah, not so great, I guess.
But not Your fault so much,
unless this was all a part of Your silly old plan.
Fuck me. I can't believe you're making me do this shit.
Hello again.
I'm Merle, sex and love addict.
Hi, Merle.
Well, in spite of all the progress I've made,
I... recently had another bottom line slip.
I'm really ashamed. I...
I really thought this time was gonna be different.
A real relationship, you know?
That lasted all of six days.
Um, our final night together, he, um...
bit my lip so hard it bled, and I started to cry.
Um, and then he told me that he had a fantasy
of making love to a woman while she was crying.
So mission accomplished.
But...
He told me that he loved me.
And then after he left, he, um...
blocked my number and unfollowed me.
And I just feel really worthless.
And You said, "I am the light of the world,
but he who follows me will not walk in the darkness,
but shall have the light of love."
Do I know you?
Uh, yeah. I'm, uh... I'm Mads, I'm here...
Oh, Evie's friend from home.
They do grow 'em pretty in Texas.
You're late.
I didn't know there was a set schedule for this shit.
Come in.
Wait, so you're... you're not American?
- Cause, like, on your TV show you were... - Acting.
- Oh. Ah, funny. - Can I get you something?
Uh, no, no, I'm cool as a cucumber.
So you're out here to be an actress?
Uh, no, no.
Ah, most people are here to be something.
Escape whatever unseen invalidated life they're running from.
Are you ambitious?
Ambition always seemed like kind of a pointy word to me.
Like, um, arrow or thorn, you know, it just...
I feel like it just depends on the things you're into.
Um, but I do think that I'm meant for, um, something or somebody.
A romantic. You're a rare animal.
Take a word of advice from a kindred spirit:
Keep moving before you get stuck. This place is a trap, you know.
Just like those pits down by the museums.
Thousands of years ago, this whole valley was a swamp.
Animals came from hundreds of miles around.
Mammoths, sabretooth cats,
uh, dire wolves,
all lured by the scent of sweet water.
But the ground under this place isn't solid, it's tar.
Black and sticky as the devil's shit.
Those animals, they got trapped in it.
And their dying cries brought out scavengers
looking for an easy meal, and they got stuck too.
Thousands of years later,
scientists are still pulling fossils out of those pits.
Skeletons all mixed up.
Be careful, or someday someone will be digging you up.
And with so many bones, they won't even be able to tell you apart.
The trick to LA is take a sip from the spring, spread your wings.
Catch a breeze and ride on out of here before you get stuck.
Um...
Why do dealers always sound like preachers?
I mean, honestly, are you a prophet or a pusher?
- Just make up your mind. - Hm.
Yeah, I don't know.
Evie tells me you girls are working the club tonight.
Uh, yeah. Yeah. I think I might, uh, come by.
You can always work for me, you know.
Uh, look, I just came here 'cause I got a car and I was in the neighborhood.
I'm not really looking to be your friendly neighborhood dope peddler, but thank you.
By the way, I love your big, fat, gold LTD.
'72? Don't see them around much.
Um... mm-hm.
I know your ride, I know your plates, I know your friends.
So what don't I know about you, Mads?
Uh, yeah. Yeah. Cool.
- Uh... - Thanks for coming by.
- Uh-huh. Mm-hm. - Yeah.
Good morning.
- Little package. - Teddy.
Hey, Mads, um...
Did you ever hear from that, uh, guy you were fucking at community?
What?
Didn't he get a job out here or something?
No idea what on earth made you think of him.
I don't know, maybe it was, urn, all these drugs.
Oh, well, well, well.
You know, you really oughta quit that dumbass job of yours.
Oh, boy.
Come on, like, folding $400 sweaters for ten bucks an hour.
It's an insult to your post-modern feminist sensibilities.
Oh, is it?
We've got to work to destabilize
the patriarchal norms entrenched into a society
that has caused so much gender inequality.
I love how much you care about this.
Plus, you'd make way more selling Eric's drugs.
Well, well, I also got fired last night.
- Why? - What?
Mm...
Because I... kinda sorta...
fucked the boss's husband again!
- Again? - Again!
That's awesome!
I guess old habits die hard, sweetie.
- They do. - Well, then it's settled.
You're working at the club with us now!
- No! - Yes!
I said maybe.
Working at the club, aka, selling a bunch of shit-ass drugs
to LA's horniest crackheads.
Yay! She's fun again!
Whoo!
Oh, come on, Mads, it's gonna be fun.
Told you.
You know they say Marilyn's buried here.
And also James Dean, and also Whitney Houston.
- Let's have a séance. - I can't believe this.
Oh, my Lord.
So, another little sister here from Texas to help Evie out.
Sort of.
Only Addy's my actual blood.
We grew up with Mads.
She's like our honorary little sister.
Well, we're all family here.
- Hey, Gamor. - Hm?
- What do you think? - Hm...
Well, let me take a look.
Let's see here, a little vintage jewelry, smoky eye, pouty red lip.
I like it. She's like a gothic Madonna.
It's funny you say that because Mads has like a little Jesus thing.
- Ooh, Jesus. - Yeah. Um, I'd say that she
takes it to the next level, though.
Mads doesn't just love Jesus, she'd love to fuck Jesus.
Hey!
- It's true. - You can't blame her,
Jesus Is quite sexy. Our first rock star.
- Mm-hm. - Definitely.
Well, little does she know, I do fuck You.
I fuck You all the time.
Well, Mads' outfit is preordained. So, let's go.
Doors open in 20 minutes.
Tits up.
Uh, Carmen, put some lip gloss on, too.
You're looking a little tired. All right, here. Drink that up.
Eleven minutes, come on.
You're my one and only.
Oh, Jesus.
I swear, I will always...
Well, there just went 200 bucks of Eric's crap.
Oh, God, I should've listened to You.
Why don't I listen to You?
Mom always told me that was never much my strong suit.
Maybe she was right.
Fucking bitch.
A tripping nun.
That is so fucked.
There you are.
Are you okay?
Your shift is done.
Why don't you just get changed and put on some makeup.
We're gonna have a little late-night disco at our place.
Okay.
Fuck!
I'm so sorry! Oh, my God!
Who was he?! Who was that guy?!
Oh, my God, he's just some guy I brought home.
- I'm sorry. - Who was he?!
What the fuck just happened?
- Oh, my God! - The money is all gone!
- He fucking took the money! - I'm sorry!
That stupid fucking douchebag, he took the money!
That guy with the long hair, I think he took all the drugs!
- Wait! - What the fuck?!
That guy just fucking left!
Evie...
- Evie, what the fuck?! - I'm sorry.
- Eight fucking grand! - I'm so sorry.
Evie, why do you drag me into this shit?! Huh?!
You're supposed to be my older sister!
- Stop yelling at her. - Don't start.
Okay, it's not helping anything.
- Well, what's the plan? - You need to call Eric.
- Can you just do it, please?
He needs to fucking know
why all the money and all his fucking drugs are gone, okay?
Can you just please do it? Because he has a crush on you.
And he's not gonna yell at you, and he always yells at me.
- Oh, my God, Evie. - I need a fucking cigarette.
- You're so much better at this than me. - Where's the lighter?
- I can't do it. - Where the fuck is the lighter?
Um... Please.
I'm so sorry.
- Evie... - Just fucking call Eric.
- Just go and call Eric. - I'm so sorry.
What the fuck is this?
I don't...
What do you mean gone?
- It's gone. Stolen? - Oh, no.
No, no, no.
I trusted you guys to fulfill basic services.
This is fucking unprofessional.
Yeah, well, I mean, we fucked up.
Well, you better un-fuck it up.
This is not some random shit I got off of one of my usual guys.
This is a scary fucking drug dealer
that I'm trying to make a good impression with.
And spoiler alert, this is not impressive!
You know what? How about you just
stop being such a little bitch and nut up, okay?
It wasn't a kilo, it was 20 grand tops. We'll figure it out.
What's this fucking guy's name?
Her name! Queenie, and she does not fuck around!
Get out!
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
So either find who stole that shit
or find a way to get me that 20 grand back! Fuck!
Fuck you too, then.
Fuck!
Guys, he's really fucking freaking out.
- We're being fucking evicted! - No.
- What? - We're being evicted!
You know, this is why I left.
This is why I left and went to London,
because I didn't want to be fucking poor in America!
Okay.
And I don't wanna be around a sister who's a fucking crack addict.
Okay, it's a coke addict, not a crack addict.
Such a fucking bitch all the time.
- Fuck you. Fuck you. - I'm so tired of it.
Seriously, this could've happened to anybody.
- We all had a party. - Fuck! Fuck!
Fucking hair!
Fucking dollar bill, please. Oh, God.
Fucking poor in America?
Who wants to be poor anywhere?
The world's one big shit show and I'm right in the middle of it.
Fuck them! Seriously, I'm not poor.
I have You.
They can all suck my Jesus dick.
Cocksuckers.
Don't look at me like that. Where do you think I'm driving?
I'm trying to look for a place to live, fuck.
Okay, well, I fucking tried to get a roof over our heads,
and this bitch, she don't get it.
You know what? Fuck her and her piece of shit house,
and the horse she rode in on. She probably fucked him too.
Fuck!
What's up, sexy man?
You know, I made a lot of bad decisions.
Some shit You seriously don't...
agree with.
I don't blame You.
But, You see, I've been trying to be better.
Right, I mean...
I definitely be fucking way less.
Kinda.
Anyway, right now...
Right now, I need Your help more than ever.
I need You to walk me down Your righteous ways.
I need You to show me that light because...
I really just don't wanna hurt no more people.
Show me a sign.
You're a fucking badass.
Whoo! I love You, JC!
I fucking love You!
Whoo!
- Please tell me you found it. - No, I told you, it's gone.
Shit! You guys have forced me to do something I don't want to do.
I do not want to give you girls up.
But that Queenie plays rough.
You think I'm a fucking idiot
just 'cause I have an innie? You're the big dog,
okay, not some low-level, street pawn.
No matter how bad we might fuck up, that money is ultimately on you, bud.
I can make you get that money back.
Why are you fronting on me right now?
You're no pimp, you're no Killer.
You're just a has-been TV actor with a gambling addiction and a coke habit.
And... and my sense tells me
that clearly you're broke as fuck, and you're in some real type of trouble
because nobody runs a business like that with no security.
I mean, that is just desperation behavior.
Uh-huh, out of control. And that shit ends bad.
So, like I said, I don't have a problem.
You do.
Why are you even here?
Where the fuck is your bedroom?
You're so awesome.
Oh, I can't even stand to breathe when I think of You.
I will always be your girl, Jesus.
I wasn't expecting that from you.
Yep, I'm full of surprises.
I gotta go pee.
Mads?
Babe?
Oh, fuck!
You're crazy. This is never gonna work.
Of course it'll work.
You ever heard of "Jesus take the wheel"?
Well, in our case, Jesus has taken us by the hips
with his manly, calloused carpenter hands
and he is riding us all the way back home to Kingdom Come.
I'm telling you, Jesus will not steer us wrong.
Uh, I'm an atheist.
Well, not anymore you're not.
Okay, so we're just supposed to tell people we came to Hollywood
to start a convent?
Only if they ask. Just keep it simple.
So we'll meet back here in two hours.
Sisters of the faithful.
Hey. Oh, thank you. Do you know where to get waxed around here?
Oh. Wait, two bucks?
That's all you're gonna give Jesus?
Fuck.
Lady, do you want your soul to be damned for all eternity,
tossing Lucifer's salad?
You can afford more, look at you.
Oh, thank you. God bless... Jesus Christ!
- You all right? - Oh, hell yeah. Uh, sorry.
Bitch.
We are starting a convent here in Hollywood,
and if you would like to know more, here is my cell.
Look, I wrote it right where Jesus got hammered.
- I dream of being hammered, too. - Thank you.
Hi, Sister.
- I see you like books. - I work at the library.
Oh.
Are you visiting Los Angeles, Sister? I haven't seen you before.
Uh, well, my little convent back home is just bursting at the seams,
so my Mother Superior sent myself and my sisters
down to, you know, look for a new home and spread our, uh,
our virginity... di-divinity.
Where are you staying?
Uh, well, I'm leaving that up to the good Lord himself.
- Mm-hm. - Well, uh...
I hope it's not too much of a bother,
but one of our board members at our library,
Maria Ramirez, everyone calls her Sunny.
Um, you know, she's a devout Catholic and generous donor.
- Um, her husband just died recently... - Oh.
...and, um, you and the sisters should, uh, go... go see her.
She lives right up the road up there.
Um, great place. She takes in nuns all the time.
She does?
Well, look at God just working his ways.
Well, she's a very kind person.
And listen, she has more than enough space.
You guys should check it out if you need a place to stay.
All right? I think she'd love it, so here's her number.
Oops.
Sorry. Um... Okay.
That's for you guys.
Thank you. Good day, sir. So kind.
Two-hundred and seventy-three dollars.
Thank you, Jesus!
Yes, that is enough to get a cheap hotel room for a couple of nights.
Or a really nice hotel room for one night.
No, no, no.
We gotta save our money as much as we can. We should, um...
We should go stay with that nice lady.
But how do... how do you know she's so nice?
Because she offers to take in stray nuns.
Um, she is probably really religious though.
And she's probably seen a lot of nuns before.
So... we should, uh...
We should go do our research.
- Mm-hm, up our game. - Okay.
What kind of research?
Wait, Mads, you want us to go to church?
Goddamn right. We're going to church!
But first... first we really need to change,
'cause the only thing worse than walking into a church impersonating a nun
is walking into a police station impersonating a cop.
So let's go.
God.
What do you think you're looking at, old man?
Nothing.
Hm. That's "Nothing, Sister," to you.
- Nothing, Sister. - Mm-hm. Good boy.
Now start praying.
Dear God...
please help me with another sister.
Addy!
I like this character!
- I could really get into this! - Bitch.
"Find out..." What?
Fuck! No. No.
Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.
No.
The fucking gun!
Where the fuck is it?
Fuck!
Ah! Fuck.
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
No! Bucky, no!
No, Bucky, no!
I'll open the door on one condition.
I was gonna open the door.
My name's Tuff, I work for Queenie.
Sit.
Make me a vodka.
It's okay, Bucky, this is a friend.
We're just playing a friendly game.
- I don't think he can breathe. - He's fucking fine.
Aren't you, silly Billy? It's just a friendly game, right.
Come on, man, this has nothing to do with the kid.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Are you allergic to bees?
What a coincidence. So am I.
Deathly allergic. And when you're allergic to bees,
you need to be prepared.
Do you... know what one of these is?
- Oh, Jesus, man, don't. - Ah, ah.
This protects you from the queen.
And believe me, you do not wanna get stung by her.
What have you done?
Motherfucker!
When you receive the communion,
you're united with Jesus.
And He becomes a part of you.
Body of Christ.
May God be with you.
Oh, you know, very.
May God be with you.
- And to you too, Sister. - Sister Julie.
Thank you for coming.
- Hm, Sister Julie. - Sister Julie.
I think it's time to go.
What was that about?
Tuff? Why is there a child?
You know I hate them.
- Hello, gorgeous. - Hi.
Yuck. Why is he tied like that?
I had to use the venom on the kid, and then...
Well, look.
Right?
It's for softening the meat.
Ah...
Well...
Nice to meet you... Eric.
These shoes hurt my feet.
I can finish this off.
Tuff is so good to me.
Huh... So, Eric,
we've been talking about you.
What's your purpose?
What function do you serve?
If one cannot perform his function,
then another must take his place.
Oh. Huh.
These are the females who lost my merchandise.
Did you know there's a species of carpenter ant in Malaysia?
The queen's body is full of poisonous venom.
And if her nest is threatened by an outsider,
this magnificent creature can explode her own head
in a suicide,
and release a substance onto her enemy.
What a soldier.
No.
- No. - This is what I'm talking about, Eric.
- Oh, my God. - Purpose.
- Now you have one. - Oh, my God.
- Dinner. - Oh, no.
Sisters, welcome to my home.
You'll have to excuse me, my eyesight isn't what it used to be.
You see, I've become terribly sensitive to the light,
which is a shame, because the light is one of my favorite things
about living in southern California.
In a moment, Alicia will show you to your quarters,
and hope you can meet me for tea in the sunroom once you've settled in.
Let us know if you need anything.
And thank you so much for coming. Alicia.
Uh, thank you for, uh,
having us in your godly home, ma'am.
- Yeah. - Thank you.
There's so much space just in this one area.
You know, you guys, the craziest thing about all of this
is that that thing, the thing we're wearing around our necks,
is called a wimple.
What the fuck is a wimple?
- ...get away with it. - Fuck you.
Oh, my God.
I kinda feel bad for Sunny.
I mean, all this money and no one to share it with.
No, she played her cards right.
She gets to do whatever she wants, doesn't have to look after anybody.
Oh, fuck!
It's Eric. Should I answer it?
No!
No answer.
Well, we'll try again later.
I don't think we can hit the same spot two days in a row. I think we should rotate.
You know, the giving can't always...
...be so giving.
If I may make a suggestion.
Outside the observatory might be a good place.
- Mm. - Lots of foot traffic.
- Oh.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
- Thank you so much, Alicia. - You're welcome.
Now, if you excuse me, before madam's breakfast gets cold.
Oh, my God.
She's so fucking hot.
Well, that one's a hot piece of ass.
Oh, my God.
...the body of Eric Katz,
the actor best known for playing Uncle Darby
in the 90s sitcom, The Sokolowiski's,
was discovered in his home. Police investigators are saying
the bizarre circumstances surrounding his death
are likely attributed to his rumored ties with local drug organizations.
Holy fuck! Fu... fudge.
An unidentified 12-year-old was also discovered in the home...
- Oh, my God, poor Eric. - ...unconscious but alive,
and taken to a local hospital.
What are we gonna do?
- Fuck! Ninety-six bucks in change. God! - This is so bad.
That's all the money we have? That's all the profits?
Where the fuck is Jesus today?
Maybe we're being punished.
Maybe there's a curse against people that pretend to be saints.
Nuns aren't saints, they're just regular people
who work for God by doing charity.
And, technically, we're homeless,
so really we're just cutting out the middle man.
Oh, you can just justify anything, Mads.
Why have you been on my dick so much recently, Addy?
- I love you and your dick. - Honestly...
What the fuck?
Scum-sucking piece of shit! Who the fuck fucks with nuns, huh?!
Why would you steal from a nun?!
Now, you might think this is a bit of an excessive reaction.
But we all have our periods synched up, and as you can see,
we're already having a pretty cramp ass day.
When you receive the communion, you are united with Jesus.
And He becomes a part of you.
You once told me the danger of us sinning
isn't that God would stop forgiving us,
it's that we will stop seeking his forgiveness.
And so just like you wanted,
I went to confess my sins, past, present and future.
Ever since I accepted You into my heart as my Lord and my savior,
it took me to that sacred place.
I'm not sitting across from a mortal man no more.
I'm being sent directly through him to You.
It appears the winds have changed since we last met.
Sunny skies have given way to a dark cloud that now looms above you.
Dark cloud? What dark cloud?
This trio of sorceresses, they will challenge your reign.
They will be your undoing if you are not careful.
Those sluts stole my money.
And you mentioned three of them, right?
I only saw two of them.
Bitch, I told you, there's three.
There's three. Three sluts. One slut, two slut, three slut...
- That's not a slut. - Oh.
Just one, two, three sluts.
Should I kill them?
Yes.
Kill them.
- Nobody misses President Lincoln. - I'm so bored.
We could be at the club right now.
Really?
Well, we could sneak on out of here.
- Mm-hm. - Go down the lattice like ninjas.
- Yeah. - Why not?
And I think Sunny's asleep.
- Let's go. - Okay.
If you blow our cover, we're fucked.
All right, I'll stay here. You go.
- But... - I'm on my period anyway, I'm bloated.
I don't wanna be touched by,
- like, gross old men. - Okay, have a good night.
You guys suck these days.
Oh, I hate this thing.
Huh, so this LA bimbo, who is one of the sorceresses,
she thinks she's going to crumble our empire.
She's the one that stole your stash, babe.
Eric kept a ledger in the notes on his phone, what a genius,
and she's his points man.
What?
Well, we're going to make a little example out of her, aren't we?
Have you met my friend?
The coral snake?
They mostly feed on rats,
bats, little rodents.
But we've discovered...
...this one has an insatiable appetite on human brains.
- Wanna see? - I'm gonna film it.
And then I'm gonna text it to your sorceress friends.
Something's wrong.
- She's not picking up her phone. - So call her again.
I did. I called five times.
I feel like, I don't know, it's off or dead.
Just... don't say the word dead.
Can you please just sit the fuck down?
You're making me even more crazy.
- Holy shit! - What the fuck?
What the fuck happened? Oh, my God. Are you okay?
- Evie. - Sit, sit.
- What the fuck? - Okay, I killed them.
- Killed who? - Uh, I killed both of them.
- What? - Who?
Queenie and her psycho cowboy sidekick.
- What? - Yeah, they kidnapped me.
They... they tried to kill me.
- Oh, my God. - But I... I killed them.
- Are you okay? - I'm okay.
Okay, we have to get out of LA, you guys.
The cops are gonna come after me. I'm a little scared.
- Why? - Because I killed them.
Calm down, calm down.
Let me just think.
We're fine.
- We're fine, you know why? - Why?
Because the cops, they don't give a shit.
Yeah. They're never gonna find out because they don't care!
That's just two less bottom-feeding drug dealers that are gone!
I mean, you literally just did their jobs tonight.
That they... Hallelujah!
Right?
Yeah, you killed the motherfucker who killed Eric.
An eye for an eye.
Hey, Mads, isn't that in the Bible?
You're sure the fuck right it is.
You know... you know what else?
- What? - We're in the clear.
- Oh, my God. - You know what that means, right?
There's no more killers anymore.
- Mm-hm. - We have money coming in.
- Oh, yeah. - We have a roof over our heads.
This is literally our rebirth.
Oh, my God, you're right.
- I can't believe that. - Oh, my God!
- I can't believe our luck. - Dude, we're so fucking lucky.
No, no, it's not luck!
It's... It is exactly divine intervention.
I mean, it's clear as day.
This is Jesus coming down and taking the wheel.
Oh, my God.
I mean, we all knew he would... lead us down the right path,
but... but tonight he actually did it.
Yeah.
- Thank you, Jesus. - Thank you.
I didn't even believe in God before.
- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, I was so fucking scared.
Oh, my God, I was too. I love you guys.
Oh, my God, tell me everything that happened!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God, so okay.
- There were snakes. - What?
Two snakes, a black and a red one.
What were they doing with the snakes?
Oh, my God, so one was like...
Oh, Jesus.
I know what you're planning on doing.
And I'd think real long and hard before doing it, if I were you.
Yeah, well, you are me.
You've been given a rare gift. A clean slate.
Why do you always have to fall back on bad habits?
I've made my decision, and I feel bad enough about it already.
So can you just drop it?
But do bad girls go to heaven too?
Well, we'll see about that, won't we?
Here's the thing:
I know You like all that
meditation, hallelujah, peace on earth bullshit.
But have You ever done heroin?
We both know I have.
'Cause there's not one minute in my life
where I'm not thinking about it.
It's the total escape of feeling.
Pure oblivion.
Sweet Jesus,
she almost makes me forget You.
Hello?
Help! Help! Somebody!
Somebody help! Help! Help!
JC?
Holy shit!
God's a woman?
With tattoos?
Whoa. Fuck me, that's badass.
Holy shit, I've been waiting to meet You my whole life.
Wow.
Jesus.
I'm sorry.
I love You so much.
I'm sorry I'm such a fuckup.
But from now on...
I swear, I wanna do right by You, Lord.
I do, I... I wanna be different.
And I know I... I know I've been saying that this whole time, but...
We also know that...
you know, I kinda have a gift for rationalizing things.
From now on, I wanna be the kinda person that makes You proud.
I swear, from this rebirth and this...
this fresh start that You've so generously given me...
I swear it in my soul, Lord, I swear it in my soul.
Thank you, Lord.
Thanks.
Honey?
Sweetie, it's time to take your meds.
Where... where the fuck is Jesus?
He's in your heart, sweetie.
He's in all of our hearts.
- Mads. - Mads.
Are you okay?
Hello? Alicia?
Sisters?
Who is that?
Beautiful place you have here, madam.
- Wouldn't you agree, my dear? - Yeah, very fancy.
Sort of lovely old knickknacks.
Who are you people?
Oh, who we are is of little consequence.
But a little bee told me
that you might be hiding a few fugitives from justice.
Fugitives?
Yeah, well, you didn't think they was real nuns, did you?
Oh, my word. Seems like someone has been taking advantage
of the kindness of a lonely, stupid old woman.
Ooh...
Nobody's here, and if you don't leave,
I'm going to call the cops.
Since it appears that you're at a loss for sight,
here's my blow... by blow!
- Now, my associate, Tuff... - Associate?
I'm sorry, I just want to be professional.
Oh. Okay. Fine.
- And now, my partner and paramour... - Okay.
...Tuff, is standing right above you.
He has a gun to your head.
And if you don't tell us where those little bitches are
by the time I count to three,
he's going to blow your old, rich brain out. One!
If it's money you want, I have money.
It's not about money! Two!
Dear Lord Jesus,
- assign your spirit unto me. - Three!
- It's the God squad, bitch! - That's right.
Oh!
Tuff!
So you believe in Jesus?
Jesus is just a statue.
Go.
He's made as a cruel construct
by this old, white male,
who was so vulnerable, so weak.
You better keep me dead, or I'm gonna sing.
♪ Joy to the world ♪
♪ The nuns are fucked ♪
Will you just shut the fuck up?!
Okay, well, I'll admit,
maybe another one of those potentially excessive overreactions.
But, hey, whatever.
It's just me over here doing some of God's dirty work.
And, come on, someone had to shut that bitch up.
Sunny invited us all to stay.
But if this was my first step into my born again virginity,
I wanted to start fresh across the board.
That means saying goodbye to my girls.
Instead of turning everybody into the police for impersonating nuns,
Sister Julie made them pay penance to the church.
Which I hear is a pretty shit fine.
I also heard the church got a new priest too.
Apparently, after our carnal encounter, Father Sexy Pants had a crisis of faith.
He gave up the priesthood and decided to take up male modeling.
Yeah, it really suits him too.
And, as for me...
Well, as for me, you weren't done with me yet.
I don't know if the father IS Eric, that priest,
or fuck, could be anyone else.
All know I is, sweet Lord Jesus,
You brought me to the City of Angels for a purpose,
and now I'm off to spread Your light.
I love you, Jesus!
JC's my man!
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