‫۳۱۰ - All Or Nothing
‫One ofthe best things ‫about being in a great relationship
‫is feeling comfortable enough ‫to leave it for an evening.
‫what do you girls do ‫when you get together؟
‫The usual stuff - braid our hair, ‫crank calls, and that weekend stuff.
‫You don't talk about the boys؟
‫I can't lie.
‫Sometimes there is talk of the boys.
‫Men's greatest fear.
‫- I thought it was hair loss. ‫- No problem here.
‫- I can tell. ‫- Feel free to pass that on to the gals.
‫I'll try to work that ‫into the conversation.
‫- Goodbye. ‫- Bye.
‫EB white said no one should come ‫to New York unless they're lucky.
‫I was. I had an amazing boyfriend ‫who had all his hair, good friends...
‫and a married ex-boyfriend... ‫I had slept with a week ago.
‫May I just say, "wow!"
‫what can I say؟ I've arrived!
‫Samantha had invited us to celebrate
‫her new apartment, three new clients
‫and her general fabulousness.
‫who knew this existed
‫in the meatpacking district.
‫Just yards away from decaying cows.
‫- Homemade baby quiche. ‫- You made these؟
‫No! I had them delivered,
‫along with dinner, the wine
‫and DvD of "An Affair To Remember" ‫that we're watching later, drunk.
‫- You can get DvDs delivered؟ ‫- I used this new delivery service.
‫Anything you want ‫they bring within an hour.
‫Anything؟
‫- Last night I ordered condoms. ‫- You didn't fuck the delivery guy!
‫No, John, the hot guy from the gym.
‫The condoms ‫came faster than he did!
‫There's an ad-slogan.
‫- Ladies, we have it all
‫great apartments, jobs,
‫friends, and sex...
‫we can have quiche delivered ‫and eat it too.
‫At my age, my mother had three kids
‫and a drunk husband.
‫- You just have three drunk friends. ‫- By choice.
‫Having it all really means having ‫someone special to share it with.
‫Please. That's so barney.
‫I'm sorry. My life wasn't complete ‫until I met Trey.
‫And Trey's mom is so great.
‫You'll meet her at the engagement ‫party she's throwing for us.
‫You will love her.
‫Do you see us Manhattan؟ ‫we have it all.
‫- Fuck you! ‫- You wish.
‫carrie, go home. ‫I can take care of this.
‫Three hours later, Deborah Kerr had ‫revealed her secret to cary Grant,
‫and I'd still told no one mine.
‫- I slept with Big last week. ‫- You're having an affair؟
‫No, no affair. Just one night, ‫and it is not happening again.
‫- Please don't tell the others. ‫- OK.
‫I am awful.
‫I have this great boyfriend. ‫I don't know what I was doing.
‫Nothing men ‫haven't been doing for centuries.
‫was it good؟
‫It was great, ‫and it's not happening again.
‫Got it. Plates.
‫How can it feel so good ‫when it's so bad؟
‫They design it that way.
‫Big and I... we have this thing.
‫It's all about the pheromones. ‫we're just animals reacting to smells.
‫I have a great boyfriend with all his ‫hair, waiting for me, who smells great.
‫Aidan hasn't said "I love you" yet.
‫- Until then, you're a free agent. ‫- The rules according to Samantha؟
‫I'm more old-fashioned ‫than you think.
‫I don't wanna be a free agent.
‫Don't you wanna judge me, ‫just a little bit؟
‫Not my style.
‫Hang on.
‫Hi. God, I missed you.
‫You gotta go see the girls more often.
‫come on.
‫Suddenly I felt safe again. ‫It had all just been a bad dream.
‫As long as I was near Aidan, ‫it would all be OK.
‫Until the morning.
‫why do you have to go ‫to Pennsylvania today؟
‫See that chair؟ It's got owners ‫that miss it very much.
‫Go tomorrow. come on, stay.
‫- I'll make you cookies. ‫- You don't cook.
‫I'll buy you cookies. ‫come on, stay.
‫It's just for a couple of days. ‫You gotta have stuff you wanna do.
‫what I needed to do was not be alone.
‫Be good.
‫Downtown, Samantha woke up ‫to discover she did have it all.
‫Including the flu.
‫Shit.
‫She never wanted a man around ‫in the morning, until she needed one.
‫- John؟ ‫- It's Samantha.
‫Jones.
‫From the gym.
‫Yeah, right.
‫I wondered if you might be able to ‫drop by on your way to work.
‫Honey, I can hardly blow my nose, ‫let alone blow you.
‫Yeah, I wouldn't want ‫you to get sick, either.
‫Later, in the bridal registry ‫department at Bergdorf Goodman,
‫charlotte discovered, ‫she wanted it all, and more.
‫- $۱,۳۰۰. ‫- Yes. we do very well with it.
‫- It's really beautiful. ‫- Yes.
‫It'll look lovely under the noodles ‫we'll have to eat
‫due to my outstanding loans.
‫No, not that face.
‫All right. If it's what you want.
‫I'm too crazy about you to say no.
‫I gotta get back to the hospital.
‫- Did you do a guest list for the party؟ ‫- Oh, right.
‫I almost forgot.
‫Sweetie؟ what's this؟
‫Prenuptial agreements. Standard. ‫Everyone in the family has one.
‫You sign on page four. Feel free ‫to have your lawyer look it over.
‫I'll call you later.
‫This looks normal.
‫charlotte wasted no time ‫having a lawyer look it over.
‫we're not married yet, and already ‫we're talking about divorce.
‫A lot of people do prenups.
‫Marriage is supposed to be ‫about love and happiness.
‫- And the protection of assets. ‫- That is so unromantic.
‫And necessary. ۵۰ per cent ‫of marriages end in divorce.
‫There it is again - divorce.
‫I'm sure you'll live happily ever after, ‫but I wouldn't marry without this.
‫I'm safe. what's he gonna take ‫from me - shoes؟
‫Maybe I do need one.
‫what؟
‫This is unusual. ‫He has you on a vesting schedule.
‫For every five years you're married, ‫you get a percentage of $۵۰۰,۰۰۰.
‫I'm only worth $۵۰۰,۰۰۰.
‫- Over ۳۰ years. ‫- Maybe that's your wholesale price.
‫If you have any boys, ‫you'll get another ۱۰۰ grand.
‫How much for girls؟
‫- Nada. ‫- That's bad business.
‫I can't sign that. I can't marry ‫someone knowing they feel this way.
‫This is just their opening offer. ‫It's standard to negotiate.
‫I can't even buy stuff on sale.
‫Talk to Trey. I'm sure his lawyers ‫will take care of this.
‫working over lunch؟ The New York ‫office is tougher than ours.
‫George, this is carrie and charlotte. ‫George works in our chicago office.
‫I'm taking depositions ‫and restaurant recommendations
‫from hip and trendy New Yorkers.
‫- You're hip and trendy؟ ‫- George is from chicago.
‫- So it's good؟ ‫- It's fantastic.
‫I hope the place tomorrow ‫lives up to your standards.
‫- I'm sure it will be great. ‫- I'll drop by your office later.
‫- OK. ‫- Nice meeting you, ladies.
‫Bye.
‫well, well, well, they sure ‫grow 'em cute in the Midwest.
‫I know. We have a date.
‫Find out how much he pays ‫for boys before you get attached.
‫۲۴ hours, three degrees of fever ‫and two pages of her black book later,
‫Samantha was no closer ‫to closing her deal.
‫why don't you go fuck yourself. ‫I won't be doing it again... ever.
‫Samantha was discovering it was ‫easier to find a guy to screw her
‫than one who'd screw in ‫her curtain rod.
‫She wasn't the only one ‫who needed a fix.
‫I did everything I could ‫to keep busy until Aidan came back.
‫I re-arranged my sweaters, ‫defrosted my fridge...
‫broke into my emergency hidden ‫stash, and thought about choices.
‫Modern women have been told ‫- that we can be anything we want
‫an astronaut, the head of an Internet ‫company, a stay-at-home mom.
‫There aren't any rules. ‫choices are endless.
‫And apparently, ‫they can all be delivered to your door.
‫Is it possible that we've gotten ‫so spoiled by choices
‫that we've become ‫unable to make one؟
‫That we know ‫that once you choose something,
‫one man, one great apartment, ‫one amazing job,
‫another option goes away؟
‫Are we a generation who can't ‫choose just one from column 'A'؟
‫Did we have too much to handle, ‫or was Samantha right؟
‫can we have it all؟
‫Two hours later, I had filed ‫every article I'd ever written,
‫but I couldn't file away ‫what had happened with Big.
‫I made a choice.
‫I called him.
‫- Yeah؟ ‫- It's me, carrie.
‫Jesus, carrie. How are you؟
‫I'm good, fine. OK.
‫we need to talk about what happened.
‫- Right now؟ ‫- Yes. Rationally and right now.
‫- Apparently you're the boss. ‫- It was just a physical thing.
‫we gave in to our baser instincts, ‫shit happens, blah blah blah.
‫- Are you wearing glasses؟ ‫- No.
‫- You sound like you are. ‫- It can't happen. You're married.
‫I'm aware of that. But it was ‫pretty fucking amazing, wasn't it؟
‫That is so not the point.
‫we're intelligent beings. we have to ‫learn to rise above the physical stuff.
‫You can learn to do that؟
‫Apparently we couldn't.
‫Next time we're going to a hotel.
‫I can smell the guy on your sheets.
‫woodchips and Paco Rabanne.
‫He doesn't wear cologne.
‫Maybe he should.
‫By the way, there will be no next time.
‫This is gonna be like ‫"The Bridges Of Madison Avenue".
‫A brief affair ‫I'll write about to my grandchildren.
‫can I have a beard ‫in the book version؟
‫I've always wanted a beard.
‫Maybe a goatee.
‫It all felt so easy and so good.
‫I was like the moth to the old flame.
‫Meanwhile that night, ‫Miranda was enjoying her new flame.
‫can't believe I have to ‫catch an ۱۱ o' clock flight.
‫But it was fun.
‫If I weren't going back to chicago, ‫I would try to sleep with you now.
‫I'm drunk enough. ‫I might have let you.
‫Damn!
‫- I have to wait till next time. ‫- There will be a next time؟
‫Of course. ‫I come back and forth a lot.
‫In the meantime, ‫there's always the phone.
‫- I have one of those. ‫- I'll call you tomorrow night.
‫Damn.
‫The next night, Miranda was surprised ‫to hear from George.
‫I knew you were a middle child. ‫I love it when I'm right.
‫Yeah, spoken like a true only child.
‫They talked for two hours ‫about everything.
‫Favorite foods, families... It was one ‫of the best dates Miranda had had.
‫- what are you wearing؟ ‫- Then the date got even better.
‫Nothing.
‫- wish I were there. ‫- Really؟ what would you do؟
‫I would start ‫by kissing your neck. Slowly.
‫Then I'd work my way down,
‫start licking your nipples...
‫- where's your hand؟ ‫- On your dick.
‫Put the other one on you.
‫That night, Miranda started ‫sleeping with George regularly.
‫She had it all - her own life, and ‫a great boyfriend she could count on.
‫He always called, ‫and she always came to the phone.
‫while Miranda came, I was busy ‫preparing for Aidan to come back.
‫I had slept in Big's and my sex-sheets ‫for two days.
‫Like any good junky, ‫I knew how to hide the evidence.
‫Hey, you.
‫- come on. ‫- Hi.
‫Look at you.
‫I was sure he saw the scarlet 'A' ‫on my chest.
‫If Big could smell him, ‫could he smell Big on me؟
‫I missed you so much.
‫I should send you ‫to Pennsylvania more often.
‫You should. ‫I realized something while I was gone.
‫- You did, did you؟ ‫- Yeah.
‫I love you, carrie.
‫Is that too much؟
‫- I thought I shouldn't say... ‫- No.
‫I love you too.
‫Not only was my secret safe, ‫but I had become lovable.
‫I felt awful. And so good.
‫- wait. No sheets. ‫- Fuck the sheets.
‫You're bent over, ‫and I'm playing with you.
‫- Your dick is in my mouth. ‫- Jesus, I'm gonna come.
‫The next night, Miranda was ‫going to third with George
‫when her second line beeped.
‫Dammit, hold on.
‫- Hello. ‫- Trey says his mom won't negotiate.
‫- Hold on. ‫- Are you OK؟
‫I'll be right back.
‫Your dick is in my mouth. ‫Keep it there.
‫The mom's the one holding the cards. ‫She's the one to go up against.
‫- How do I do that؟ ‫- charlotte, I'll call you tomorrow.
‫But...
‫Sorry.
‫So am I. ‫You got me so hot, I just came.
‫You did؟
‫Now we have to take care of you.
‫The next night, ‫I went to take care of Samantha.
‫More cough syrup.
‫which for Samantha meant ‫- making her mom's childhood remedy
‫cough syrup ‫and Fanta orange soda over ice.
‫No offence, but this is about ‫to make me sicker than you.
‫Give me my drink.
‫A frosted martini glass ‫would make that more appetizing.
‫why don't you ask the super ‫to fix your window؟
‫I don't have one. ‫I own this place, remember؟
‫I should have got married. Then ‫at least I'd have a curtain that closes.
‫Oh, carrie, it doesn't matter ‫how much you have.
‫If you don't have a guy ‫who cares about you,
‫- it all means shit. ‫- Sweetie, calm down.
‫Three days of sleep deprivation had ‫- turned Samantha into a new woman
‫charlotte.
‫For someone who had it all, ‫she had never felt more alone.
‫I'm gonna tell you something.
‫- There's two types of guys out there
‫the ones that hold your hand, ‫and the ones that fuck you.
‫I'd slept with both of them ‫in the last ۴۸ hours.
‫The guys that fuck you ‫aren't worth a damn.
‫we're all alone.
‫we are not alone. ‫we have each other.
‫- Bed؟ ‫- Yeah.
‫Three days of rest later, three healthy ‫girls attended a very uptown party.
‫Jesus. Looks like ‫Martha Stewart exploded in here.
‫- Look, headbands are back. ‫- where's the food؟
‫Amazing what days of a cough syrup ‫and Fanta diet will do for the appetite.
‫They're wASPs. ‫There's never food, only booze.
‫Fine. ‫One martini, six olives.
‫I can't believe charlotte wants to be ‫in this world. Look at these people.
‫- They're like Ken and Barbie cut-outs. ‫- You made it.
‫- I see you found the bar. ‫- we're good that way.
‫Trey, you have to keep people ‫out of the maid's room.
‫There are photos of me rowing college ‫crew in there. It's mortifying.
‫These are charlotte's friends. ‫This is my mom, Bunny.
‫Pleasure to have you.
‫There's Reverend Williams.
‫Maybe we should say hello ‫before he gets into the Scotch.
‫It's about ۲۰ years too late for that.
‫- I haven't signed the prenup. ‫- what are you gonna do؟
‫I don't know. I'm confused.
‫I love him, but I feel like ‫no one cares about me.
‫I thought if we could negotiate, ‫it'd be OK, but now it all feels wrong.
‫- what does Trey say؟ ‫- Nothing. He leaves it to his mother.
‫You can take her.
‫- what should I do؟ ‫- we can't tell you what to do.
‫I wasn't one to talk about marriage, ‫considering I might break one up.
‫You have to do ‫what feels right to you.
‫It depends how much ‫you want to marry Trey.
‫- Bunny, do you have a minute؟ ‫- Of course.
‫charlotte realized, if she wanted ‫to close the deal with Trey,
‫she'd have to close the deal ‫with Bunny first.
‫- I haven't signed the prenup. ‫- You've been busy.
‫I have...
‫a little problem... ‫with how much I'm worth.
‫I see. ‫That is the standard amount.
‫It's how it's always ‫been done in the MacDougal family.
‫Right.
‫Not only would she have to negotiate, ‫she'd have to play hardball.
‫well, you know...
‫we haven't finalized... ‫the wedding arrangements.
‫Trey would be disappointed ‫if I backed out.
‫"The Times" announcement ‫would run, there would be questions...
‫- what do you want؟ ‫- I'm worth a million.
‫I did it. I negotiated with Bunny, ‫and I signed the prenup.
‫That's great.
‫- I'm getting married. ‫- congratulations.
‫- I love him. ‫- Ladies, may I sweep my bride away؟
‫She's all yours.
‫It was then that we realized ‫that we didn't have it all.
‫we no longer had charlotte.
‫Then, there were three.
‫I can't believe ‫she's marrying that guy.
‫For a tenth of what she's worth.
‫I thought you were ‫Ms Pro Marriage now.
‫I was delirious. ‫I also saw spots all over my bathtub.
‫I can't believe I'm saying this, ‫but it feels weird without her here.
‫That's such a charlotte thing to say.
‫After a week full of Aidan ‫and no cigarettes,
‫I felt like I had ‫finally kicked my addiction.
‫- Emu. ‫- what؟
‫- ۳۲ across. Rare bird - emu. ‫- I was getting there.
‫Not with the wrong word in ۱۵ down.
‫Then my addiction found me.
‫- Hello. ‫- I need to see you.
‫- Miranda, I'll call you back. ‫- come down or I'll come up.
‫Right, I'll call you later.
‫I told Aidan ‫I was taking Pete for a walk.
‫He believed me, ‫which only made it worse.
‫Don't ever call me ‫at home again. walk.
‫You can't just decide ‫you wanna see me, and I'm there.
‫- Is this his dog؟ ‫- Yes.
‫You want it all - the girl you screw, ‫and the girl you go home to.
‫That's bullshit. I just want you.
‫I can't do this any more, sleep with ‫two people at the same time.
‫- I'll tell her tonight. ‫- what؟
‫- No, no.
‫Married men don't just leave their...
‫I have a man who loves me, ‫and you have a wife who loves you.
‫Don't talk about him and her ‫like it's you and me.
‫You have no right to do this. ‫You can't come and fuck up my life.
‫I think there were two people ‫doing the fucking here.
‫Shit. Pete. Oh, shit!
‫- where are you going؟ wait. ‫- Pete!
‫- Pete! Oh, shit. ‫- carrie.
‫Excuse me.
‫Pete! shit.
‫- watch out! ‫- Pete.
‫God. Shit!
‫No. Go home. ‫Don't tell anyone. Don't do anything.
‫- I wanna help. ‫- This isn't helping. Go home.
‫Back at Miranda's home, ‫things were heating up as well.
‫I unbutton the last button, slip ‫my hand in, and touch your breast.
‫Your nipple's so hard.
‫I'll be right back.
‫I'm thrusting, I'm thrusting. ‫I'm deep inside of you.
‫You were touching my breast.
‫Yeah, I'm touching your breast, ‫and I'm thrusting into you.
‫No, we hadn't gotten to that yet.
‫Oh.
‫Are you having phone sex ‫with other people؟
‫I don't think we ever said ‫this was an exclusive thing.
‫Oh, my God.
‫Miranda stopped being hung up ‫on George. So she hung up on him.
‫Three hours later, I hadn't found Pete, ‫and I felt as lost as he was.
‫I had a man who loved me, and a man ‫who wanted to leave his wife for me.
‫I should have been ‫on top of the world,
‫but I didn't feel like I had it all.
‫I felt like nothing.
‫I had lost Pete, ‫and I would probably lose Aidan.
‫I decided to come clean.
‫Jesus, I was worried about you.
‫Oh, my God. Pete's here؟
‫Oh, my God, I lost him. ‫I lost him and I looked for him and...
‫Oh, my... Pete, come here. ‫come here.
‫Oh, God.
‫- I'm an awful girlfriend. ‫- Take it easy.
‫- I'm awful. ‫- He's a dog. He runs away.
‫He found his way back.
‫So had I.
‫I need to ask you something.
‫- OK. ‫- I don't wanna be paranoid.
‫You took Pete for a walk.
‫we both know you're not big ‫on the dog-walking.
‫I can smell something.
‫Are you cheating؟
‫I can smell the smoke on you.
‫You're smoking again, aren't you؟
‫Yeah.
‫Yeah, I am.
‫It was the truth.
‫- Are you going to quit؟ ‫- I really want to.
‫That was, too.
‫come here.